The Memory of the Righteous is a Blessing

The memory of the righteous is a blessing... -Proverbs 10:7a

7 years ago this afternoon, my Aunt Connie and I held Mom's hand as she was ushered from this cancer-ridden world to the glorious joys of Heaven. I have never known someone so ready to meet Jesus. People would visit her in the hospital and tell her about their loved one in Heaven. She would normally say something kind if she could respond, but make sure to tell them that she was most looking forward to going home to see Jesus. I am so glad she is getting to experience the joys of being in the presence of Jesus, but oh how my heart misses her. 

I think this year has been sad in some ways as I wish Knox could have known her Grandma Betty and Mom could have loved our sweet girl. However, as I have thought about Mom a lot this week, I think about how much I miss her but I do not miss her having to fight cancer. So on this days and in the days past of grieving and the days to come, I rejoice that as a believer, there is a precious promise of Heaven. A place that God has prepared for those that love Him and trusted in Him as their personal Lord and Savior. The joys of that place are told to be indescribable, and I love these words from Revelation 21:3-5 "And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

For the past 7 years, I have seen God's Words to be trustworthy and true and anxiously await when these words are accomplished. The memory of Mom have truly been a blessing, just like Proverbs 10 says. Thankful that God doesn't leave us alone in our grief, but provides sweet comfort. I love these words from Matthew Smith... listen to it here and read the words below:

I journey forth rejoicing 
From this dark vale of tears 
To heavenly joy and freedom 
From earthly bonds and fears 
Where Christ our Lord shall gather 
All His redeemed again, 
His kingdom to inherit-- 
Goodnight, goodnight till then 

Why thus so sadly weeping 
Beloved ones of my heart? 
The Lord is good and gracious 
Though now He bids us part 
Oft have we met in gladness 
And we shall meet again 
All sorrow left behind us-- 
Goodnight, goodnight till then 

I go to see His glory 
Whom we have loved below 
I go, the blessed angels 
The holy saints to know. 
Our lovely ones departed 
I go to find again 
And wait for you to join us-- 
Goodnight, goodnight till then 

I hear the Savior calling-- 
The joyful hour has come 
The angel-guards are ready 
To guide me to our home 
Where Christ our Lord shall gather 
All His redeemed again, 
His kingdom to inherit-- 
Goodnight, goodnight till then

New Morning Mercies for May 15

Love these words by Paul David Tripp this morning...

"One of the reasons God has called us to gather together regularly is because we are so forgetful. We forget who God is and endeavor to live based on our own merit and strength. We forget who we are and the empirical evidence that we lay down every day of our desperate need for redeeming grace. We forget how broken is the world in which we live, so we live with unrealistic expectations and naivete toward temptation. We forget how magnificent our resources are in Christ, how complete His provision is, and how precious it is that He is always near. We forget how wise, encouraging, protective and freeing God's Word is. We forget our need for the body of Christ; that our spiritual life is meant to be a group project. We forget that we have not only been blessed to be recipients of God's grace, but have been called to be tools of that grace in the lives of others. We forget that there really is an enemy who prowls around to devour us spiritually. We forget that life can never be found in physical creation. We forget that we have been created to live for a glory that is bigger than our own and for a kingdom that is greater than what we would construct on our own. Yes, we need to gather again and again, and through worship, preaching, and mutual fellowship, to remember what we would otherwise forget."
-Paul David Tripp, New Morning Mercies - May 15

Asking forgiveness from an 8 month old

I read this week about how God is so different from us... you are probably thinking duh, He is God. Very true, but I was reading how he is slow to anger and patient with us. A week or two ago, I had a bad night Wednesday night into Thursday morning with KC. She was awake at 12am, 1am, and 2am. Somewhere in that time, I got frustrated. I was so rude to her in my words and actions. I know lack of sleep will make you do that, but I don't want that to be an excuse. She was just hungry. The day before I had read these words from Psalm 145:8, "The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." There are other passages in Scripture that say the same thing. The character of God is so different than how you and I naturally respond.
I woke up on Thursday morning convicted of how I had acted and felt towards my little girl. I was quick to get angry, she was just being a baby and was hungry. Babies have rough nights and are awake at strange hours. So, when she woke up from her morning nap, I sat down in front of her and asked for forgiveness from my 8 month old. Because babies are awesome and don't really understand what it means to hold a grudge, she put out her hand and smiled at me. I kissed her hand like usual and she laughed. We went on about our day, and I was reminded once again of my sinfulness, need for grace and forgivness, even from a baby.
So, I stand thankful that God is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, even when I am not. I have to work at being slow to anger and showing love when it is His character and how He acts and responds according to the truth of His word. I'm thankful that He uses a sweet baby in my life to remind me of my need for grace and to show that He desires to work in my life to make me more like Him. 

One of my favorite pictures from recent days - she loves unfolding laundry.

Thankful for the Unexpected and Happy 3rd Anniversary

Four days after my last post, we had a baby girl. Being a mom affords very little/no free time, especially for blogging. :)


Life in the past almost 8 months has been a bit unexpected. I worked for 3 months of KCJ's life then things changed and I have been afforded the wonderful opportunity to stay home with her. My mind keeps going back to how thankful I am for the unexpected things that have happened in my life. Since it is our 3rd anniversary - a little reflection on that!

Getting married was unexpected to me. In some ways, I think I was going to be happy being single. I was in my late 20's and did not really think that there was anyone who would put up with me, meet some incredibly high standards I desired in a mate, and the list goes on. To say that getting married was unexpected would be a true statement. To say that getting married to Adam was unexpected would be a huge understatement. He was younger than me, annoyed me, was a musician, and the list goes on. He was a friend and I was fine with keeping it that way. Over the course of a few months, something changed, not sure I can pinpoint exactly when or what, but my relationship with him was definitely something unexpected. The fact that I am married to him just baffles my mind some days. I know it was God who changed both of our hearts. I am thankful for our friendship that led to a greater relationship. I love his musical talents and how he uses them to serve the Lord. He puts up with some things about me, that well, I am thankful that he does. He still annoys me at times, and the fact that he is younger, well... we survive. (He will finally hit his 30's this year and I plan to enjoy that!) God has blessed us in so many unexpected ways and I am thankful for the opportunity to live and enjoy life with this man. Adding a little girl to our family this year has made it even sweeter as she adores her Daddy. I would not want it any other way.

So, as we celebrate 3 adventurous years of marriage, enjoy some of my favorite photos. Thanks to our friends Patrick and Maddie for capturing the special day!

6 Years Later...

On this day, 6 years ago, my precious Mom traded her cancer-ridden body for the joys of Heaven. I'm sure she would say it was the best day. As much as it hurt my heart, I'm thankful for this day. I have been thinking about her a lot as we are waiting on our little girl to arrive. Here is one of my thoughts/memories that has played over and over in my mind in the last few days.

Mom always read her Bible in the mornings on the couch. Often, you could wake up (if you got up early enough), and could find her there with her Bible, small devotional book, and blanket to cover her feet. From the time I was little, I would remember getting up, going to sit on the couch with her and covering my feet up with the blanket. Sometimes, I would just lay there and go back to sleep. Other times, I would ask her, "Whatcha reading, Mom?" She would finish her reading and begin to tell me about the chapter or passage of Scripture she had just finished. It was never like a formal thing or sermon, but more like this is what God's Word says and what I learned today or what I have learned in the past from this Scripture. One of her favorite verses was 1 Peter 3:15, "But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asks you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:" A song we sang growing up had these simple words, "Be ready to give an answer, know what you believe, write God's Word in your heart before you wear it on your sleeve..." Each day, Mom wrote God's Word on her heart and did not miss many opportunities to tell others about Jesus.

My prayer as we await the arrival of our precious KC is that she will be like me and ask, "Whatcha reading, Mom?" I hope that I will respond like my mom did and be able to tell her of the greatness of Jesus, what He did, and how His Word tells us these things and even more about Him. Today, I'm thankful that Mom told and continued to tell me. 

Miss her much, but always thankful for our promise of Heaven.

One Resolution

I made one New Year's Resolution this year. Seriously, for those who know me, I normally have a long list of things I want to strive for in the coming year. I love the New Year and the "fresh start" it seems to bring. However, after looking back on New Year's Resolutions of the past and realizing that I fail miserably, I'm not making a long list of things.

Before I tell you my resolution, some background if you will. Over 2013, I think the Lord dealt with my heart and exposed some things that I had tried to cover up or maybe just not deal with. I love a good theological discussion or debate and appreciate those types of conversations that I can have with people, but I feel like I was lacking in a major area. I know a lot of Scripture verse thanks to a faithful Mom and Dad who taught them in our home and school, but I fail at putting them into practice. I was especially challenged by Paul David Tripp when I heard him speak in May about living for God's kingdom and not my own. It is safe to say that I spend a lot of time living and seeking after my own kingdom.

These thoughts, plus a few conversations with Adam, brought this New Year's resolution to the forefront of my mind. My desire is to put this simple verse into practice in my life, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." -Matthew 6:33. That is my desire and prayer for 2014 that I will spend my time seeking the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. Each day this plays out a little different, but my desire is for my "kingdom" to become nothing and God's Kingdom to become what I seek after and what I strive for other's to see. 

For your information, I have already failed at this many times this year and each time God has lovingly reminded me that I was seeking after my own kingdom instead of His. It has produced some ugly times of confession, but I am thankful for God's grace even as I struggle in this area. 

One resolution I have... to seek first God's Kingdom and His righteousness. I have great expectations that God is going to change many things in my life - desires, ambitions, plans, and so much more as I attempt to practice His Word. Thankful for grace when I fail and the strength He gives to persevere. May His Word become something you practice as well.

Who He Says He Is...

During this Advent season, I have been reading through a short devotional thing I got for free on Kindle, Make Him Room, Advent Devotions by Kirsten Oliphant.  The passage a few days ago was this familiar one from Isaiah 9:2-6---
The people who walked in darkness

have seen a great light;

those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,

on them has light shone.

You have multiplied the nation;

you have increased its joy;

they rejoice before you

as with joy at the harvest,

as they are glad when they divide the spoil.

For the yoke of his burden,

and the staff for his shoulder,

the rod of his oppressor,

you have broken as on the day of Midian.

For every boot of the tramping warrior in battle tumult

and every garment rolled in blood

will be burned as fuel for the fire.

For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given;

and the government shall be upon his shoulder,

and his name shall be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

"Jesus carries weighty names because He is very God made flesh and born of a virgin. His works reveal His character just as His names point to His identity. When we were far from the Lord, the Prince of Peace reconciled us, and He provides peace now even in the midst of our circumstances. We are assured that His Word and promises are true because He is the Mighty God to carry them out." -Make Him Room, Kirsten Olphant

 

I have been challenged by what she said that Jesus was truly God in the flesh as He came and His identity has and continues to fulfill names in every way... Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace. My problem comes when I don't believe that He is who He says He is. Every time you see a name of God listed in Scripture, that is Who He Is. His Word and His identity show us who He is. My lack of faith comes in when I don't believe that God is mighty and desiring to bring glory to Himself through what He deems good for His children. When I don't believe that God can bring about peace in my heart and life, He has not failed to live up to who He says He is, I have failed to trust God fully. This Christmas, I am rejoicing and more mindful of the God of Scripture being who He says He is, because through the challenges of this year, He has shown His identity. He is the Faithful God, Prince of Peace, Everlasting Father, and so much more.

My challenge and prayer for myself and others this Christmas season is to trust God for Who He Says He Is. Not in a what He can do for me kind of way, but that the God who is clearly seen on the pages of Scripture is everything He promised to be to a world lost in darkness. The great Redeemer came in the form of a newborn babe to save His people from sin. All of Scripture points to Him and tells us who He is. May your faith be strengthened and encouraged this Christmas as you see Him for who He truly is.

The Blame Game

Welcome to the story of my life... I would like to think that I invented the Blame Game, but when you look in the pages of Scripture, you find it with the first man and woman, "The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate." Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:12-13). If you are guilty of this like I am, you see very quickly that Adam and Eve started playing this "game" a long time ago. Adam blamed God for giving him the woman and Eve blamed the serpent. Seems typical to how things are even today.

If you remember correctly, I think the Israelites were professionals at this. When something didn't happen according to their plans, they blamed God, or Moses, or whoever was their particular leader at the time. The Pharisees of the New Testaments seemed to be big advocates of this game. The scary thing was that they blamed Jesus when he performed a miracle or broke one of their religious traditions.

Looking closely, I'm pretty awesome at finding people to blame. My circumstances, something that happened as a child, a loss in my life, the people around me, friends, my husband, the stranger at Target, and the list could go on and on. I like to make excuses for my sin, like I didn't mess up here it was really because of him or her. Maybe you are like me and know all the rules and how to best get out of the situation. When I was a teenager and young adult, to play the blame game, I added some lying in there. Why I thought it was good idea to compound one sin with another, I have no idea. The worst thing about the blame game is the more you play, the easier it gets.

In the middle of all this craziness, my overwhelming desire is to say STOP!!!! Stop doing this to yourself and other people around you. Accept that you are at fault, repent and move on. It sounds sooooo easy to say and often so hard to practice - this is me preaching to myself.

Small rabbit trail... Adam and I were talking the other day about the richness of Scripture. If you don't believe it's power and practicality for life, then you are truly missing out. I've been so challenged by God's Word in the last few days and what it means to follow Jesus. In the book of Mark, Jesus gave some big responsibilities for those who were going to follow Him..... “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. (Mark 8:34-35). We talked about whether people want to know what it says and live by it or are more comfortable with not reading it, cause then I am not convicted to repent and change my ways. The Bible is rich whether you believe and accept its truth or not. One of the greatest things the Bible is rich on is GRACE.

Yes, I believe that Grace is the solution and end of the blame game. If anyone is qualified to play the blame game, it should be Jesus. He could cry out, "Because of you, I took on sin and the wrath of God." He could, but He didn't. Instead the book of Isaiah gives these words,
He was despised and rejected by men;

a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;

and as one from whom men hide their faces

he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he has borne our griefs

and carried our sorrows;

yet we esteemed him stricken,

smitten by God, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions;

he was crushed for our iniquities;

upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,

and with his wounds we are healed.
Isaiah 53:3-5.

Because Jesus didn't play the blame game, according to these verse I receive peace, healing, and grace instead of being punishmed for the sin I committed. That's why grace is so beautiful and gives me the strength to stop playing the blame game. As Paul David Tripp says so eloquently, "Grace is for the willing, and we only become willing when we confess not only the gravity of our sin, but our inability to deliver ourselves from it. Then our willingness opens to us all the sustenance of heart that can only be found in the Son. So today, may you confess your weakness and seek after the abundant grace made new every morning." One of my weaknesses is blaming others, so I will seek grace today. May God be so good to you today that you see your weakness and rest in His grace to overcome. 

All You Need in Christ

A few weeks ago, Adam and I went to a Marriage Conference. I was super excited because a guy named Paul David Tripp was leading it. He wrote a few books that Adam and I have read, but the conference was really more on his book, What Did You Expect? I was kinda starstruck cause he was sitting in the row right in front of me. He's a bit of an interesting guy, dresses a little odd, and has a fantastic mustache. In the Christian counseling realm, he is one of the best and I was overjoyed to learn from him. He gave the best definition of marriage I may have ever heard... Marriage is two flawed people living in a fallen world with a faithful God. Here some notes on what I learned.

He did not use any "popular marriage passages", but brought to light that all Scripture is applicable for life. He started in Luke 6:43-45, "For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." He began with the heart, which he called the core of my personhood. Everything that we do begins in the heart. The fruit of our lives are our words and behavior, which proceed from the heart. One of the things that stood out to me was as he was talking about the last verse of this passage, 'out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.' What we really thinks comes from our mouth, and it begins in the heart. He talked about often we say to someone "I didn't mean to say that..." When truthfully, we should say, "Please forgive me for saying what I really meant." The heart is the issue. We learned three applications from this passage: a) All marriage problems are heart problems, b) Lasting change in marriage will always travel through the pathway of the heart, c) I am my biggest marriage problem--it is me. 

The second part he really honed in on was concerning two kingdoms. Either I am living for the kingdom of myself or the Kingdom of God. I loved these words, "Jesus gave His grace not for my kingdom, but to be a part of a much better Kingdom." He spoke concerning this passage, "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33). Everyone lives for some kind of treasure, and in marriage we are all seeking for some treasure. However what rules and the heart and satisfies the heart becomes our functional treasure. 

During this time, what would strike me the most was how he presented, 2 Peter 1:3, "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us to his own glory and excellence," Simple, but so true. I have all I need in Christ. He spoke that we could talk about how we "need" certain things. I could say that I need a husband, then when I get a husband, I could say I need certain things from him. Within our culture, it has become popular to say that men need respect and women need love. Paul Tripp pointed out that this idea went against what Scripture has to say. We have all we need in Christ. We can pray for a husband that loves or a wife that respects, but these are not truly needs. The power of Christ has granted all I need for life and godliness. I am thankful to rest in that truth.

His definition of love-- Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not demand reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving. It is truly the way God loves, "We love because He first loved us."1 John 4:19.  He is way more eloquent than I could ever say it. 

 





Needless to say, it was an awesome, challenging weekend. I am thankful for the opportunity to learn, to be reminded of how all Scripture is important for marriage, challenged to seek God's kingdom in marriage, and to recognize and receive His grace in marriage.

Changes

It is no secret that I married Adam for his awesome musical skills. Truthfully, that is not the real reason, but it is more like something on the list of reasons. For 7 years he has been working at our church as a Music Associate - this included participating in the Sunday morning praise band and leading all the youth music. He has done this faithfully for many years and I would say that he has enjoyed this ministry.

About 2 months ago, Adam got a phone call from a pastor in our area asking if he could recommend someone that could lead music at their church. He told the pastor that he could not think of anyone, but if he did, he would call him back. About 30 minutes after I got home from work that day, we started talking about this church and just if we knew anyone. The longer the conversation went on, we began to question if maybe Adam should pursue this opportunity. For the next few days, this is all we talked about and we prayed about it a lot. I just remember praying at random places and times questioning whether this is what God would want us to do. Adam decided to send an email to the pastor with his resume. The pastor never got the email. About a week later the pastor called Adam back and asked if he would be interested in the position. Adam told him that he may be interested and they set up a time to meet together.

One meeting lead to another then another and so on. We met with the search committee for the position, and Adam led at the church two times. Between the two of us, I think we asked each other over and over, "Do you have peace about this? Any reason why we should not do this?" The prayers about this situation continued and actually still do, just have changed a bit. On June 16, the church voted for Adam to be their Music Pastor. Crazy. Scary. Awesome. Exciting.

As the wife to this super talented dude, I am thrilled and soooo excited about this opportunity for him. As a non-super talented person, I'm bummed for me, cause I bring no musical ability to the situation. I got asked if I played the flute, sadly I do not.

In 2 short weeks, we have said good-bye to our sweet church family. Last Wednesday night was especially hard as we were loved-on by the Student Ministry here at our church. They really are some special teenagers and leaders, God has great things ahead for them. This past Sunday night, our church licensed Adam and had a bit of a celebration. It involved some sweet words of encouragement from many individuals and lots of hugs. To say that the goodbyes has been bittersweet would be an understatement.

David praying for us. (Please excuse the VBS decorations).

Adam has already been working in the office at the new church and this Sunday will be our first. I'm thrilled that he is getting to do something he enjoys so much. I know he is going do great and I am thankful that God has given me the opportunity to walk beside him through this new ministry.

"I will sing to the LORD, because He has dealt bountifully with me." -Psalm 13:6 

Unknown by Us, but Known to God.

One of the greatest things about the Author of Life is that if you are alive, He is continuing to unveil your story. God showed us a small part of our story at the beginning of this year. This part of our story will forever impact our life.

On February 15, 2013, we confirmed the exciting news that we were pregnant. I'm pretty sure I have never seen Adam so overjoyed at such wonderful news. We had believed it to be true, but something about the Doctor or Nurse saying it to you, just makes it so much better! Adam was overjoyed. I was excited and freaked out all at the same time. It was a few days of telling our family and close friends of the exciting news.

In the early morning hours of February 22, our excited hearts were broken as I miscarried our sweet child. I remember waking up after a horrible night of trying to rest and hoping that this was just a terrible dream. It was not. Our day was spent in grief and tears... I could not control the crying. Yes, my body hurt, but the pain of my heart was far worse.

At the Doctor that day, I was overwhelmed by the compassion and kindness of each medical person we encountered. I know they see this kind of thing often, and it is part of their job, but it was like they shared in our grief and understood how our hearts hurt. I'm truly thankful for that and want to follow their example when God places people in my life who need compassion.

My heart immediately went to the book of Psalms. It seems to be the place where I turn for comfort. God's Servant, David, experienced great loss and grief during his life. I know that all the Psalms are not written by him, but a majority of them are. "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Ps. 34:18). That was me. I was brokenhearted and my spirit was crushed, but the Lord was definitely near.

I have this awesome resource that I use often called a journaling Bible. It has lines on the outside of both pages for journaling. I love it and use it often, just as I read Scripture. One of my favorite things to do is look back on things that I wrote a year ago or even a few years ago just to see how God was using His Word to speak to my heart.

Psalm 77 spoke to my heart like it had never before...

I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah. You hold my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I consider the days of old, the years long ago. I said, “Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart.” Then my spirit made a diligent search: “Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable? Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah Then I said, “I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.” I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds. Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples. You with your arm redeemed your people, the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah. When the waters saw you, O God, when the waters saw you, they were afraid; indeed, the deep trembled. The clouds poured out water; the skies gave forth thunder; your arrows flashed on every side. The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind; your lightnings lighted up the world; the earth trembled and shook. Your way was through the sea, your path through the great waters; yet your footprints were unseen. You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

This is what I wrote in my journaling Bible... "Day after our miscarriage. Verse 13 reminded me that the Lord knows what is best. 'What God is great like our God?' reminded that there is no one like Him. He is above all things and knows all things. For that I will praise Him, even during this time when my heart hurts. He has not forgotten and He has not forsaken. His steadfast love has been felt and continues to be displayed."

Chapter 77 ends with showing how the Lord worked in the life of His people in the Old Testament and Chapter 78 continues to show this picture with how God responded when His people rebelled against him and how He continued to work in their lives. It encourages us to "tell the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and His might, and the wonders that He has done." (v. 4)

As my heart grieves over what has been lost in our life. I am reminded of the great things that God has done, whether in the past that I can see in Scripture or in my own personal life. I'm thankful for the short time God blessed us with our unborn child. Even though we were not able to see this precious child outside the womb, we did a see heartbeat and know that God had blessed us with a little life. While he or she was unknown to us, he or she is perfectly known by God. The glorious deeds of the Lord have been displayed, because of His work, I can and will rejoice.

Pride-My Struggle.

Things have been a little crazy the past month or two and when I am able to think a little more clearly, I may blog about some things, until then... hang tight.

My past couple months have been filled with some different medical issues. In the process, I have seen how much I fear and worry over things that are completely out of my control. I have been reminded a few times that the opposite of faith is fear. That's statement has rung true over and over in my mind and heart. How often I have allowed fear to override my faith and what I know to be truth! During my times of fear, I would often look to Scripture. It has such great things to say and for a moment would seem to override my fear, but then my mind would wander back to being fearful. It has seemed like a constant back and forth battle. Thankfully, the Lord hasn't given up on me in my struggle and what the Scripture says about fear has captured my mind and continues to be a place where I turn to, even when I feel somewhat defeated.

1 Peter 5:7 has been mentioned and read so many times during this struggle, "casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you." It is truly a great verse and one that provides so much comfort, but do you know what the verse before it says? "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the might hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you," For some reason last week, I decided to read my study Bible notes for these verses, "the participle 'casting' modifies the main verbal phrase 'humble yourselves' from v. 6. Worry is a form of pride because it involves taking concerns upon oneself instead of entrusting them to God. Believers can trust God because, as their Father, He cares for them." (ESV Study Bible). At that moment, I was aware of my ugly sin, pride, thinking I could handle it on my own. Why would I not entrust my cares and concerns to a perfect, sovereign Heavenly Father? In my own mind and strength I thought I could handle things on my own, surely not. My time of confession and repentance that morning was very sweet as I realized just how much I had struggled to do things on my own. There has been times of confession since then and I am sure they will continue. I do know that I don't want to live a life of pride.

Adam challenged me with this blog concerning the same subject about a month ago, and I have read it many times. Ed Welch is a counselor, but also one that deals anxiety attacks as well. His words of how to pray through Scripture is soooo practical. He ends the blog with this exhortation:
 The secret is to
   …pause before you head into your favorite passage on fear,
   …consider the greatness of God,
   …add some of your own confession and repentance as a way to drive the message of humility home, and then
   …remember some of those sweet words of God to fearful people.

Valentine's Day Memories

Meet Rita Cornelius. She was my Valentine's Day Gift when I was 8 or 9 years old. I begged and begged my parents to adopt an African-American sister for me. I can't tell you how much I begged. Needless to say, my parents thought they would get me a "substitute." My mind had no idea how much adoption really cost, that maybe my parents could not afford it, and whole list of other things that may be a factor. Rita is probably my favorite Valentine's Day Gift. I was super excited about her, and she is still a beloved possession! 

Over the past few days, I have been thinking about my mom and how she made Valentine's Day so special for our family. She would cook a favorite meal, usually make Jim's favorite dessert (Cherry Cheesecake), and just go out of her way to make us feel loved and extra special on that day. It was the holiday for her to lavish love on her family and she did it so wonderfully! 

This was my last Valentine's gift before Mom passed away, my first ESV Bible. She usually sent flowers and a goody box of stuff, but this year, I told her there was just one thing I would really like to have. She truly loved the Word of God, and so it is quite fitting that this was her last gift of "love."

I like to think that the way Mom showed love on this special day was just a tiny glimpse of how the Heavenly Father loves His children. As I think about Valentine's Day, my mind jumps to 1 John 3 and these verses at the beginning of the chapter, "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know Him. Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is." Perfect love lavished upon us by the Heavenly Father that He would call us His own. Hope that as God's children we will be made complete and like Christ.

May Valentine's Day be a day filled with making memories with those you love! Perfect love is truly found in a relationship with Christ, may that be a reason for celebration on this special day and everyday!

Schedule Idol

The Lord has been dealing with me in a particularly strong way about the "idols" in my life. I decided the other day if they were actual "idols" I would feel the need to hide them in the deepest and darkest part of my closest, because they are so hideously ugly. How ugly is pride and selfishness and.... I could go on and on. For me personally for the last year or so, God has been slowly tearing down the idol of my schedule in my life. Sounds crazy that a schedule would be an idol, but it is the truth.

I love things to fit in a certain time frame and things to just go smoothly (aka my way) the entire day. What would happen when there were interruptions or disruptions in my schedule? My first response would normally be anger. Impatience is pretty high on the list as well. The sad thing is that this flows over into how I interact with people, like if I think we had talked long enough, I would just kinda stop listening or make an excuse to leave the conversation. You know what is almost as ugly as the idol? When Godly people bring to light your sin, it is messy and hard to deal, but in order to be like Christ, I must deal. Thankfully, I am not on my own when having to deal with sin.

My eyes jumped out at this verse the other day and I'm sure it is one I had read many times, but it was brought to light at the right time for me! "For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." (Romans 8:2 ESV) The Spirit of Christ in me is greater than the sin and idols in my life, no matter how ugly they seem to me. The Spirit gives what is needed. Truly, I hate battling with this idol in my life, but I am thankful that I am not on my own. In my own strength, I know I will fail and the anger and impatience would overide.

This week I was challenged by this article...Life's Interruptions. Especially theses words,
"Interruptions are not obstacles to our plan; they are opportunities for us to embrace God’s plan.

So, the next time real life comes crashing into your idea that you are “in control,” look for the opportunity to show Christ’s compassion. Instead of being frustrated at the presence of other people, look for the opportunity to reflect the compassion of the Savior."

Father, forgive me when I try so hard to be in control that I miss your plan. May you continue to tear down my schedule idol and help me to share the compassion of the Savior with those you put in my life. 

12 Days of Christmas

So, it wasn't a surprise to me that I have married a pretty fantastic man, but I was surprised on Christmas day to open up a card and see that Adam was going to do the 12 days of Christmas for me. The card was Day 1 and each morning there would be something special! I love surprises and I was so excited to see what Adam had up his sleeve!

Coffee - Yum!

One of our wedding pics!

Day 12 - Tulips! One of my absolute favorites!

I have absolutely loved each and every surprise! Adam definitely knows some fun things that I like and enjoy! Who knew the 12 Days of Christmas would be so much fun! So very thankful for my sweet hubby!

Great Is Thy Faithfulness.

Over and over again, Great is Thy Faithfulness is the song my heart sings. I think it is the perfect song for every occasion, and especially as I reflect on the passing year. I love the change and fresh start that seems to be given as the calendar page turns. 2012 may have been the most exciting year of my life. Planning for a wedding, marriage and all its adventures seem to make a profound impact on one's life. Our 1st married Christmas was incredible and Adam and I were overwhelmed and blessed by the generosity of our families, friends, and even some anonymous givers. We had a blast spending time with so many people we love!

Here's a couple pic stitches of some of my favorite iPhone pics this year!

This may be my favorite verse right now. It has been a sweet reminder of who my Lord truly is.

For great is His steadfast love toward us,
    and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever.
Praise the LORD!
(Psalm 117:2 ESV)

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness in 2012. May 2013 be an even greater opportunity to praise the Lord for His steadfast love and faithfulness.

Thankful.

For the past few years, I have tried to pick 2 or 3 things that I am thankful for and dwell on them or remind myself of them as Thanksgiving approaches. I thought it would be appropriate to share them with my blog friends.

• Big surprise here: The gift of marriage. For the past few days, I have been reflecting on my life before marriage and how I would often hear that marriage is a gift from God. It almost sounds like a "Duh" kind of statement. However, I think once you are married, you see from the inside how God blesses with this wonderful gift. Marriage to Adam is not something I ever expected or even planned, but I can recognize that it is a precious gift from God. It amazes me how the Lord's sovereignty places people together. Marriage is for His glory and truly a blessing from Him.  

*For my friends who are single, marriage is not the ultimate gift from God, salvation is. I believe that God blesses with good gifts, no matter single or married. He knows His children and knows how to give good gifts!

• For about as long as I can remember, my dad has picked a verse of the year to meditate on. Following his example, I picked two different ones for this year, but this one has been my primary meditation. "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20 ESV) I am thankful for the truth of this verse, that the old nature has been crucified with Christ and He dwells within me. I am thankful for the life I can live by faith. And I am thankful for the Son of God, who loved enough to give Himself for me. I try hard to grasp the magnitude of what Christ has done for me and fall so short, but I am extremely thankful that I do not have to live life apart from Christ. 

 

• I think of grace and mercy that I experience each day from God and from others as I have days when I struggle along or my attitude gets in the way of doing what God desires for me. These verses have been brought to mind so much this year,    

              The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
                   His mercies never come to an end;
              they are new every morning;
                   great is your faithfulness.
              “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
                  “therefore I will hope in Him.”
                (Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV)
          
I love this about the Lord! New mercies and His faithfulness for each and every day. My prayer is that I will continue to see Him as my portion and hope only in Him!  

Happy Thanksgiving (a few days early.) 

...Untitled...

This is actually a post I wrote a few months ago. Not sure why I didn't post it then.

Sometimes you encounter a person and realize that their story is your story or vice versa, I guess. Today was one of those days for me. Our stories are not exactly alike, but we can definitely relate. Dealing with a loved one with cancer seems to be the thing that we share so deeply in common. However, as I am reminded of the ugliness of cancer, I remember the greater story. It is because of sin that we face disease, suffer, hurt, experience pain, and helplessness. You know what else? Cancer makes the Gospel so much sweeter. Because of cancer, I realize that I cannot save myself or those I love. I cannot make it on my own or fix what seems to be wrong in my life. God knew long before I ever came on the scene that cancer would affect my life. He knew the same for my friend. He also knew that He would not leave us helpless. I was thinking how when Jesus came to earth we saw different characteristics from Him that help us face these tough roads with hope. He showed compassion. He showed grace in suffering. We see the glory of God displayed in His death. He is the example when times are tough. He is also my only Hope.

"But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works." -Psalm 73:28

Adam Got New Glasses (or did he?)

Adam got new glasses on Tuesday. We (mostly he) picked them out online, so we weren't 100% sure how they would look. When they came, they were a bit more "hipster" than they looked on the screen. What fun would new hipster glasses be unless other people tried them on? Here's a bit of what we did this week.

Obviously, I am not hip enough for hipster glasses.

Our boss dude, Nathan, it looks pretty natural like he should wear hipster glasses.

 

Andy is just cool with the beard and the hat. Definitely does well with the hipster glasses.

Little Dude pulling off the "old man" look.

The real owner of the glasses. He is a worship leader, they can wear hipster glasses.