I Missed You Today...

Actually, I miss my Mom everyday, but especially today. I saw my dear friend open baby shower gifts for her precious little boy as her Mom sat beside her on the couch and smiled along with her and I hurt. To the deepest part of my heart, I hurt. I thought about how Mom wouldn't sit beside me and smile. There will be someone beside me, but it won't be her. She will miss out on getting to know the man I am going to marry and the children I will one day have. Or maybe it is the other way around. I will miss getting to introduce her to some Godly man who has captured my heart and my children will miss knowing their sweet Grandma. But right now, I miss her. I think about her everyday wondering what joys she is experiencing in Heaven and how cancer no longer has control in her body. Scripture continues to remind me of her. I read Romans 5:1-5 to my Sunday School Girls this morning.
I'm attached to this new Phil Wickham song called Safe ---

To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
but you're not all alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong and never let you go
oh you're not alone

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you to rise
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone

These are the hands that built the mountains
the hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
they are holding you and me

These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! -Psalm 34:8

To Kimberly on Your Graduation Day

Did you want to know my favorite thing about today was? You. Never before had I enjoyed the honor and privilege of seeing a 7th Grade Girl Graduate, but wait, you are not a 7th Grader anymore. You are a beautiful, amazing High School Senior/Graduate who is entering the world with a heart full of dreams. Allow me just for a moment to reflect on 5 or so years and what makes this day so special.

Did you know that you were the most annoying 7th Grader ever? Maybe not ever, but you annoyed me so much that it left an impression. I think you probably only owned basketball shorts during that time. That's what I remember, this athletic middle school student who was always around. I think in Middle School you were the most faithful to Student Ministry events. Who knew your faithfulness would carry over into so many of the things you do?

Did you know that the emo/punk look wasn't really you? You tried, there is too much joy in your life and the smiles and laughs come so often, there is no way that is you! I think during that time you learned to love all types of people. You never judged because someone was different, you just reached out as a friend. Who knew that so many people would be impacted because you became their friend?

Did you know that your guitar lessons were not just for you? With learning and your God-given talent, you became a part of something bigger than guitar lessons. People were able to see you worship Jesus in Spirit and Truth. You were set apart for a unique service and that continues to this day. Who knew your guitar would be an instrument that would bring great glory to God.

Did you know that every time you ask a Bible question, my heart would be so joyful? You have this crazy passion and desire to learn. This makes me rejoice. Who knew a 17 year old could care so much about living a holy life?

I have never seen it before and not sure when it will happen again. You are a unique masterpiece; created by God to serve and glorify Him. And you are. Are you perfect? Not even close, but you continue to try. I get excited to answer your text messages, to meet with you and find out what God is doing in your life. Do you know that sometimes when you do not even realize that He is working, He is. He is fashioning your life into something amazing and He is doing it a little a time. This causes all of us who know and love you to step back and be amazed at God's Work.

Your graduation day was special for me because I got to be a part. I have seen you grow and mature not just outside, but inside as well. You have reached an important milestone in your life and I am so proud. Not just of what you have accomplished, but what you have become. You love Jesus so much, your classmates even recognized that. Your day was special because your parents have worked hard, invested time, and love you so deeply. Your day was special because we laughed at a crazy waitress, enjoyed some Starbucks, and I stayed away for "teaching mode." For just a moment, we enjoyed today. That's what made today special.

You are the closest thing I have to a little sister. It is my joy and privilege to be a part of your life.

Did you know eating cheese pizza with someone can change your life? Who knew? Now, I do.

A New Mother's Day

I took tulips to the cemetery for Mom yesterday. I cried a lot. I've cried everyday for the past 4 days. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. Not sure I could let today get away without sharing something.

I've been thinking of the blessing I have received from having Godly parents and even though my Mom is gone, I continue to learn from her. Here's what I realized today and hope that I have the opportunity to pass on to my children someday. Dad is the smart theologian, knows God's Word, every Old Testament Bible story, and the opposing sides of a theological debate. I love it that he has this kind of knowledge. It gives way for some interesting conversations. He has this incredible love for learning that I believe He has passed on to me. When it comes to theological things, he is not really every surprised. He has heard it before, has an opinion, and is willing to listen to me. I love these conversations... a lot!

Mom was a little different in the way that she just simply loved the Bible. She knew the stories like Dad, but had a more practical side of reading the Word. I remember coming across passages of Scripture and being encouraged, impressed, or challenged. Of course, she had read the Scripture passage many times; the interesting thing was that she had a story or time in her life when that part of God's Word was especially real to her and how God had spoken to her through His Word. I remember reading Romans 5 after she got cancer and she told me about a specific time in college. It was incredible. The last time I was in Brazil, we read it everyday and then had some great conversation about it when I returned home. Another time, she challenged me to memorize the book of Philippians. She quoted it much better than I ever could, and so many of the verses had been a special part of her life.

So, what's the point? I said all of that to say this, what I realized today. Dad gave me my love for learning and theological study; Mom gave me a love for God's Word. They were working together to teach me and I had no idea, maybe they did. Not sure. This Mother's Day, I am extremely thankful. I hope that someday I have the privilege to teach my children what has been passed down to me.

Hear, my son, your father's instruction,
and forsake not your mother's teaching,
for they are a graceful garland for your head
and pendants for your neck.
Proverbs 1:8-9

Some Random...

I think it is time for another bullet point post:

• I'm tired and craving some silence and solitude. I'm thankful that God still speaks in the chaos of life. In times like this, I realize the great joy that comes from His Word.
  
• I miss Mom. It feels like yesterday, it feels like years. My heart has a void.
  
• A student God has placed in my life has been a great source of encouragement. Kimberly and I have met, studied God's Word, and hung out for about 5 years now. She is getting ready to graduate High School. She is amazing. God has already done some incredible things in her life and I know the future looks promising. What a blessing she has been to me! I'm so proud of her.
  
• Got to lead a lady to Christ during EE last night. It was different. She was so focused even though there were so many distractions. So thankful for the work of the Holy Spirit drawing people to the Savior.
  
• Still reading through the Old Testament. I love the different perspective that it has on God and his relationship with Israel. One thing I have seen lately, I serve a God who keeps His promises. How comforting. How encouraging.
  
• My dad is preaching on Sunday. I've already heard a little of his message. It's like I am the practice run before He preaches. Some things never change. I probably need to hear it twice.
  

Reading in 1 Corinthians to get through my Bible reading in a year, I read this morning, "For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ. You were bough with a price, do not become slaves of men." Never thought I would enjoy being a slave, but would not trade anything in this world for the opportunity of serving Jesus.

To My Sweet Arkansas Family

I just returned from a few days in Arkansas. When I was a teenager and even in my early 20's, I couldn't really stand going to Arkansas or being there. It was like some kind of obligation. Thankfully as time progresses, I've grown up and don't feel that way anymore. So, I thought I would share how I feel about my family (immediate and extended) who I get to see when I am Arkansas.

Even though it is not my home there anymore, you make me feel right at home. You invite me to come, kick off my shoes, and stay awhile. You care more about my life than most would even venture to ask. You celebrate the little joys in my life and are so excited about what the future holds. You ask questions, sometimes you are nosy, but I think it is just because you care more than most. You are a safe place for me, where I don't have to worry about what I might say or how I look. You think I am beautiful all the time and you tell me so. You allow me to talk freely and openly about ministry, but never ask me to minister in a specific situation. However, you minister to me. I am served and loved in the most incredible ways. The little things you do bring me great joy. You recharge me and encourage me. You notice little things and listen to my stories, but most of all you just let me be me. Thanks for understanding when I want to be alone and when I can stay awake till 1 am talking about everything. Thank you for saying sweet things about my Mom and helping me remember things about her. Thank you for already knowing the things I like and enjoy without me even saying a word. Thank you for making me laugh and laughing at me when I say or do something stupid. Thank you for reminding how blessed I truly am with an incredible family. Thank you for sacrificing your time for me, your investment in my life has not gone unnoticed. You remind me of Philippians 1. I do thank my God with every remembrance of you, and I hold you deeply in my heart.

Just in case you didn't realize or I failed to tell you, You are my favorite thing about coming home.

8 Months

I have a lot to write, but tonight I'm just thinking about 8 months that have passed since Mom went to rest in the presence of our Savior. Lately, I have been missing little things about her. The way she responded to certain situations, her pancakes, phone calls, and hearing her voice. Her voice is still in my head. It will probably never go away and I'm just fine with that. I was reading today in John 16 when Jesus tells His disciples that He would be going away. He told them that they would sorrow for awhile, but then rejoice and when they would come to Him, no one would be able to take away their rejoicing. (my paraphrasing) That is exactly how I feel concerning missing Mom. I know that our sorrow and rejoicing seem to have their roller coaster moments, but when we are reunited and experiencing Jesus and the joys of Heaven, it delights my heart to know that the joy of Jesus will never be taken away. How I long to live in light of eternity!

I love Hebrews 12:2, "for the joy that was set before Him, he endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

Giving up dessert for Lent...

Another year, another Lenten season. I'm still Southern Baptist and sometimes I wonder if it would be helpful for us to celebrate something such as this. I did not participate in Fat Tuesday, although I thought some pancakes would be delicious. Ash Wednesday came and went for me. I have the need to confess my sins everyday and have an amazing High Priest who serves as a mediator to God on my behalf. Yesterday I listened to an Ash Wednesday service podcast. My thinking and views of Lent have changed.

Most people give up something and play this card, "I'm giving up chocolate for Jesus. I get to experience His sufferings by suffering without chocolate for 40 days." It made me sad that I could compare giving up something so insignificant to His great sufferings. The Bible says in Isaiah 53, "But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed." No way in the world could giving up chocolate, caffeine, desserts or any other thing compare to Him being wounded, crushed, and beaten.

This year I've given up eating dessert, not so in the end I can say "Woohoo, I gave up dessert for Jesus." No, I'm giving up something I enjoy with a desire to focus my heart and mind on the greatest event that ever was or ever will be in human history. For believers nothing of this world should have control over your life, but Jesus. I'm focusing on some inward changes in my life as well, which I may blog about if God gives me some victory in this area. I want to be excited about Easter. We countdown to Christmas and make it a huge deal, but Easter suddenly comes on us and we go into superspiritual mode. My desire is to be ever mindful of His death and resurrection. This event changed my life forever and has taken a fallen human and gave the promise and hope of eternal life. This is cause for celebration and reflection, more than just one Sunday of the year.

Sorta an update

I've been far too busy to blog. I cannot tell you how many people God has put in my path lately and given incredible opportunities to minister. I pick people over blogging any day. Here's what has been on my mind lately: modesty. How can I convey this to the girls that God puts in my life? Amy, the girl that I teach with, said something that got me thinking even more about it yesterday. Modesty is defined by our culture and not by truths of God's Word. Modesty during the time of your Mom or Grandma is different than how people view it now. What exactly am I going to do about it? I have a few ideas. I think you have to teach parents and daughters, not just daughters. Dads should be involved in the modesty of the females in the family. I'll keep you posted, as I am excited about this new challenge.

Something I've always wanted to do...

January is Sanctity of Human Life Month. I read an interesting blog about this situation today. On Saturday, I got to do something for someone else concerning this situation. The Student Ministry Girls hosted a Baby Shower for Life Choices of Memphis. It was amazing. I love that it is not all about me and what I can do, but about doing something for someone else. This organization is incredible and to be able to minister to them in this small way impacted me greatly. I love it when I get an opportunity to do something I have always wanted to do. As the shower ended, I kept thinking that I was walking away empty-handed, but with such gratefulness and gratitude for the gift and joy of life.

Reading

I made some goals for this coming year. One started because of a wonderful Christmas gift I received, an ESV journaling Bible. (I'm a big fan of the ESV, as you may already know.) In this awesome Bible, it has a reading plan to read the OT through once, the NT twice, and Psalms twice. It sounded like a great plan to me, so I dove in on January 1. So far, so good. Here's the thing that I have been thinking about, I love to read blogs, especially about other people's lives. I get drawn into their story whether good or bad. As I have been reading through the book of Genesis, these stories are so interesting. Some of them are way out there and you just read thinking, "No way in the world could that happen." Others are so miraculous and shows how God was actively involved in His creation from the beginning. And there is God's promises that have been fulfilled for a few thousand years, it is amazing. So, what's the point? I want to read God's Word the way I read blogs, with a desire to see the new adventures that He had planned for His people. I was convicted a few months ago about reading the Bible because it is the desire of my heart and not an obligation. I do so many things in my life because I enjoy it or desire to do that. So, it has produced a goal for 2009, to read because knowing God and His Word is the desire of my heart. Some days, it is not my desire, but most days I am learning to open the Word with anticipation knowing that my Heavenly Father desires to speak to me.

17 years ago today...

I asked Jesus into my heart. I was 10 and didn't have a huge grasp on what I was doing, but believed His Word that says, "If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." I love that salvation is available for all and even a child can receive it. I love that our salvation is still taking place as we are sanctified more and more to be like Christ. I love the blessed hope that one day our salvation will be complete. My mom lead me to Jesus. That should come as no surprise. She played a huge role in shaping my spiritual life and being one of the godliest examples in my life. Her example still inspires me today and hopefully for the rest of my life.

We had a beautiful Christmas. I loved that so many were praying for us. I got to feel a small touch of how God comforts His children. I've been amazed by the name "Immanuel" this Christmas season. Scripture says that it means "God with us." I'm so thankful that we are able to experience God with us more than 2000 years after He came to this earth.

17 years ago today I asked Jesus to come live in my heart. I am so thankful for that day.

Happy Birthday Mom!

To Mom on your 64th Birthday:

Sixty-four years ago today you entered the world and I am so thankful for your day of birth. About five months ago, God chose to take you home to be with Him. I am trying to learn to be thankful for that day although it broke my heart deeper than it had ever been. I have been trying to imagine Heaven for the past few months and cannot comprehend. I think of you every day and try to do things like you would do them, although my cooking experiences still leave much to be desired. I am thankful for your relationship with Dad for over 40 years and how I continue to learn from it. Your kids have done their best to take care of Dad. He is a strong man with great faith, although he sometimes gets lonely without you.
I think of you everytime I am around your grandkids. I hope God allows you to see them a little bit. They are growing so fast and I cannot help but think of how much you adored them. I cannot wait to tell my children about you someday. I have so many great things to share.
I cannot help but think of you being with Jesus. I wonder if you would tell us that it is better than you could have imagined. I keep thinking of the part of the song from "O Come All Ye Faithful" that says, "For He Alone is Worthy." You lived your life like that and I am sure you are getting to see that first hand.
My heart misses you more than words can express. I saw what I thought would have been the best Christmas card for you the other day, had a few tears in Hallmark. You would've understood. I miss my Mom and I also miss my dear friend. You were the best and will always have a piece of my heart.

Until We Meet Again,
Shawna Joy

Happy Thanksgiving!

I might love this day more than any other, although the rolls that I made did not rise. Three things that I am thankful for, they have been on my mind all week. The top 3 for this year if you will:

1. My Mom is no longer suffering from the horrible effects of cancer.
2. God allows our faith to be shaken and stirred, not to harm us, but to show us how dependent we are on Him. Faith comes from Him and Him alone.
3. God Word, the Bible, has proven to be such a comfort and encouragement to me this year. When I read the pages, I see that God's Word is so alive and relevant for me. It has proven to be a true help and comfort, more than any other book or words that have been shared with me. I am so thankful for the words of peace and promise.

I encourage you to read Isaiah 12. It is a beautiful hymn of Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Some randoms...

It is the week of Thanksgiving! It may be my favorite holiday. It is definitely in close contention with Valentine's Day. Imagine a single girl saying that, I love Valentine's Day because of about a zillion wonderful memories. I remember a lot of them better than I have remembered most Christmases. Here's some things on my mind:

• I'm tired of hearing about the movie Twilight. I am totally against it for a lot of reasons. I am sad that believers will take their children to see this movie. I hate it that the things of this world can have such a huge impact on the lives of believers.
  
• I'm excited for a new president although I did not vote for him. I believe it is a big step for our country and I pray that his presidency will break down some racial barriers that are still prevalent in our world today, especially in my city. I believe that Christians have a responsibility to pray and support whoever God allows to serve in the office of the President.
  
• Speaking of authority, I am struggling with some thoughts. We are finishing up with students in Colossians. Colossians 3 speaks of submission, first concerning wives to husbands, then children to parents, and finally employees to employers. I agree with how we respond to these relationships show our submission to God, but there is more. I think it is easy for men to preach that women should be in submission and I agree that it should be preached on. However, many men I encounter devalue women in the process of speaking on submission. If a man desires a woman to submit to him, treat her with care and respect. She is valuable in the eyes of God and should be given the same consideration in the eyes of man. (Disclaimer: This was not a problem in the preaching in my church, but some comments were made following the message.)
  

That's enough for tonight. Lots of controversial stuff anyways. I will write this week of the things I am thankful for, I can think of three that top the list.

With a heart of thanksgiving,
Shawna

Two Bracelets

I've been in the blogging mood lately, but have been too tired or busy to blog. I took this picture the other day.
If you see me on any given day, you would probably see these as well. I started wearing the gold and pearl bracelet on August 1 or so. It is a Heaven bracelet and can be purchased here. The idea of the bracelet is taken from Revelation 21:21, " And the twelve gates were twelve pearls, each of the gates made of a single pearl, and the street of the city was pure gold, transparent as glass." It is a visual reminder to me of the beauty of Heaven and the people and treasure that await for those that know Jesus. I started wearing the green and silver bracelet around the first of September in honor of Ovarian Cancer Awareness month. The same lady who made the Heaven bracelet made a the Ovarian Cancer bracelet to my specifications.

These are two things that I cherish, not because of their value, but because of what they represent. I love that I know I will see my Mom again and enjoy eternity with her. Ovarian Cancer is a silent, but deadly cancer and much awareness and research has been done for early detection and a cure. Greater advancements need to be made before more ladies suffer from this deadly disease. I wear these bracelets in honor and in memory of my mom. My life was impacted by her for 27 years and she still continues to influence my thoughts and life even though she is away from my presence for a short time.

How to Continue

1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. -Romans 5:1-5

These were mine and Mom's verses that we read while I was on Mission Trip to Brazil in 2007. I would read them over and over again in Brazil, knowing that Mom was back home battling cancer. She was reading them daily as well in an effort to continue to fight. We knew that the outcome would produce something that would bring hope in our lives and glorify God.

What I have been struggling with is how to take the God things that we did together and continue these practices in my life. I could always share Scripture with her that had made an impact in my life and she would want to read it. She would often tell me a story from her past and how those Words had served as encouragement or provided conviction in her life.

For the last few months or so before she passed away and was able to talk on the phone, we would pray together each evening. We had three things that had to be included in our prayer:

• Give thanks to God for one person who had been a blessing to us that day.
• Give thanks for one thing that God had blessed us with that day.
• Pray for someone who was going through a more difficult time than us.

I remember the prayers so vividly and the people that God had allowed to cross our paths during that day. I remember the hurting people that God had placed in my life and ministry and how Mom would carry that burden with me.

So, what I am trying to figure out is how to continue to live out this legacy of faith that she has passed on to me. It is not the same since I don't have her to share it with me, but I am certain that she would not want me to stop praying specificially or getting excited about God's Word, even though I cannot tell her about it. This is obviously not a problem, but a good thing as I am being challenged to continue on in what I have been taught and know to be true.

3 Months Update

Yesterday was three months since my Mom experienced her Heavenly treasure. I wish I could say my family is doing great and things are moving along quite well. I can say that most of the time my family is doing great and things are moving along quite well, but we have our moments. One thing about this time that has been so crazy for me is the lessons that I am learning. Often, I feel like I get a new lesson each week. God knows I could not handle too much at once, so I think that is obviously the point of showing something new each week. The biggest thing that I have seen in the past few days is that how one deals with the death of a loved one is significantly related to the faith of the one who passed away and the one left behind. This may not seem like a big deal, but it has been a big deal to me because I have actually seen it. I've encountered people in the last 3 months who have struggled with a death as a nonbeliever or as a relatively new Christian and it is interesting to see how difference their experience has been. My grief has been so real, but the hope that I have in Christ has been so much greater. Christ is the true foundation of my faith and my faith being shaken has not changed that in the least bit. The Word has been the biggest comfort to me, even more than the sweet words of some people or having my family by my side.
Of course, there is much more, but that is going to be it for now. God has been so faithful. I have been listening to a CD by Jami Smith called "Faith in You." It is amazingly honest. Life is changing for the better I believe, I am reading a ton and I love it. So many great books, so little time.
Of all the lessons I have learned, the thing that comes to me over and over again is that God is an ever-present friend. Oh how we need Him.

One More Week of Waiting

I preordered this months ago and cannot wait for it to come out.

I love a good Study Bible, and am sure that this will be my favorite cause the ESV is my preferred translation. You can check it out here and even order one for yourself.

Happy Rainy Tuesday!

You are Everything

I realized that my blog was starting to depress even me. So many good things are going on in my life. This is quickly becoming my new favorite song:

You Are Everything - Matthew West

I’m the one with two left feet
Standing on a lonely street
I can’t even walk a straight line
And every time you look at me
I’m spinning like an autumn leaf
Bound to hit bottom sometime
Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I ever care to confess
Oh but, You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

You’re everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hanging up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
You are
You are
Jesus, You are
You are everything

Another musical thing that I ran across that was incredible was this interview with Lecrae and Mark Driscoll. I saw Lecrae in concert a few months ago. He is definitely the real deal and even calls Memphis home.

2 months

It has been two months today since Mom got a better offer to leave all earthly cares behind for brighter Home. In some ways, my heart is completely empty as I think about her not being here, and in other ways, I have never been so loved by a Heavenly Father and my family. I read from one of her books on the morning before she went to be with Jesus that afternoon. It is a quote from Spurgeon, "Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties." We have experienced the difficulties and we are seeing glimpses of the grandeur. We have mostly seen God glorified. God took my Mom so that He could be glorified. No other reasons, but His glory. This is one of many lessons I am trying to grasp.

Mom's Ring

Sometimes I wear my Mom's mothers ring. It has the birthstones of all 5 of our family members on it. Her birthstone is blue and it is in the middle. When I know that I am going to have a tough day I wear it. I don't need a reminder of her, everything reminds me of her. When I look at it, I am reminded of her strength and courage when facing tough situations. I want to be like her. I want to be strong and courageous, but often I feel weak and helpless. This month has been so hard. The missing her doesn't seem to go away, some days it is greater than others. I think that I wasn't through needing her yet, but God chose to take her. I am thankful that she is free from suffering and pain. I just wasn't ready to be without her. I miss that she listened better than anyone else. I miss her voice on the phone. I miss knowing whenever I went home, she would be there. I miss her.

Mom

My mom joined Grandpa in Heaven on July 23, 2008. I didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much. I'm not sure when I will want to blog again. I wrote a lot while she was in the hospital. I may share some of that. We have many great memories, although my heart has been broken.

George Kelly Jr - May 19, 1918 - June 14, 2008

My grandpa went home to Jesus a week and a half ago. I miss him a lot. God gave him 90 years on this earth and I was fortunate to know him for 26 of them. So many good memories, my last one is from breakfast on the Sunday before he passed away. Grandpa and Grandma were eating breakfast and wearing red shirts. Grandpa told me that everyone should wear red shirts on Sunday. This past Sunday, I wore a red shirt. His love for Jesus will affect me as long as I live. Thank you Grandpa for your Godly legacy. My heart will always miss you.

Graduation

Tomorrow night at 6 pm, I am graduating from Union University with a Master's Degree in Christian Studies. I am psyched! I cannot believe that it is finally here!

The simpliest things

I get joy from small things in life, like whip cream in the can, happy hour at sonic, waking up and realizing it is Saturday and I can sleep. Ya get the picture. Well, my mind has been on Theological things since I am reading this Systematic Theology book by Wayne Grudem. I usually read the book with the Bible by my side for looking up verses when he only gives the reference or for looking up the context. Anyway, I was reading about justification and came across these verses in Isaiah 55:6-7, "Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon." I love these verses. I know I have read them many times. Here's what jumped off the page as a finished reading: verses 8-9, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Yes, more familiar verses.
Before now, I had not realized that those verses were hanging our next to each other. How incredible of God to put these together for me to read! :) I love it that when I seek God in His Word, He continues to impress me and show me more of Him.
Simple stuff, yet brings joy.

Theological Thoughts... sorta...

Welcome to April. I love everything about Spring, except for allergies. Last night, I started my last class in Union University Master's of Christian Studies Program. The class is Theology 2. Theology 1 was obviously prior to this and I don't think that I have ever been so challenged in my beliefs. Maybe challenged is not a good word, but I have definitely gained a greater appreciation for Scripture.
Sometimes I wonder though if people have theological discussions to impress other people. My dad reminds me to be careful of words that are not Bible words and I think that some theological ideas can come from words that men deem important. We had this discussion last night concerning peccability and impeccability. The meaning of these words have to deal with the question of Jesus being able to sin and choosing not to or not having the ability to sin. In my class and the Biblical people that I am around expect you to have an opinion about these ideas. I kinda straddle the fence when it comes to this. I think the important thing is that Jesus lived a sinless life. The Bible definitely affirms this!
I don't want to know more about Theology because it impresses people. I want it to strengthen my faith and affirm things that I believe from Scripture.
My favorite verses that I have come across as I have been reading lots of Theology is found in Jeremiah 9:23-24. Thus says the LORD: "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD."
I hope that my knowledge of God increases through the study of Theology. Imagine delighting the Lord. That's the desire of my heart!

A few things I love about a Mac

My Macbook has been a small source of joy and fun since coming to live at my house. I am totally enjoying widgets! Who knew that there were so many. I gotta keep myself under control, I mean how many widgets does one girl need??? :)
Second, something that is not really a Mac thing, is iGoogle. More specifically, the How To on iGoogle. I loved todays: How to Remove Gum from Clothes
Good times. I feel smarter every day! :)

Tough Skin for the Ministry

Mondays are usually a little crazy, but for the past two Mondays, I have been torn down by people that I think would normally care about me. Two times, people have referred to my face of those who work in youth ministry as immature and needing to grow up. Granted, that is often the case. I am immature and I have a lot of growing up to do, and I don't have years of experience behind me. Isn't that something that should be valuable in youth ministry? I think the students have the opportunity to see the flaws and kinks that come from learning as I go. I'm so glad I do not have the Christian life figured out. I still desire to learn and grow. I want to learn from these people that God has placed in my life, but today they have hurt my heart.

What is exactly the point for acting this way? I'm trying to be a little tougher when dealing with different people and situations in the ministry. I'm still a girl and my feelings/emotions sometimes get the best of me. I am reminded for every hurt there are so many words of encouragement. I am so grateful for the encouragement.

no temptation

So many good things happening lately! February was a tough month and I'm glad for March and some sign of winter being over! Funny story, I got an email from Starbucks advertising the new Honey Latte. I deleted it quickly. I'm definitely gonna have to check it out after this Starbucks fast is over! :) I will not give into temptation.

On to other things, my Sunday morning girls have been challenging me! God is doing some incredible things in their lives and we have begun to read the Bible together. They have been so faithful and I have loved the dialogue and questions that it has prompted! I keep telling them that they have potential. They like to say it back to me, "We know we have potential!" I get excited about teaching them.

Theology class just happens to be the most time consuming challenge for me right now. I read about 400 pages on The Doctrine of God. It was incredible. In class we had to pick 2 attributes that we would teach lessons on about God. I chose Independence for the fact that God does not need us, yet chose to create and love us. The other one was Holiness. To me it is one of the coolest things about God, He is perfect in every way, and calls His children to live holy lives. It is something about God that I do not understand, but am trying to grasp. My mind is boggled each and every week. It is awesome!

a little withdrawl

I need to clarify what I am about to say. 1. I am not Catholic (Southern Baptist is my current denomination affiliation). 2. I do not adhere to lent.

That being said, I have given up Starbucks for 40 (actually 41) days. This giving up just happens to coincide with Lent, but it is more of me disciplining myself to see if I can actually live without something that I would consider an addiction. Yes, I definitely miss my Tall Non-fat Cinnamon Dolce Latte Extra Hot w/Whip, but I am surviving. A couple of times I have actually thought about giving up coffee altogether, but I don't think I'm ready to jump on that train yet.

Am I learning anything by giving this up?? Maybe, time will continue to tell!

Happy Valentine's Day

You probably saw this on google today! It made me smile everytime.


My grandparents have been married over 65 years and my parents will celebrate their 40th anniversary this year. Quite a legacy to live up to...
To those that I love - I love you every day of the year, not just February 14th.

In honor of Valentine's Day...

I love Valentine's Day. With or without a boyfriend, I have some fun memories. When I was little my mom would make us a special dinner and we would eat by candlelight. My mom pretty makes every holiday special and Valentine's day just happened to be a fun one. In honor or this week of Love, I'm wearing pink or red everyday. I will also be toting around my new red moleskine. I think I may be addicted! :)



What do you love about Valentine's Day? Yes, it is a Hallmark holiday, but you should never miss an opportunity to let people know that you love them.

A short rant...

I'm pretty tired of hearing about celebrities with drug/alcohol addictions checking into rehab. I refused to waste my time watching the Grammys last night, but I saw on all the major news websites today that Amy Winehouse won the most awards. Yeah, she couldn't even make it to the states because her life is like a train wreck at this moment. These are the people that are glorified in our society. It really makes me sick.

While, I am ranting. I have a little NBA news to add to this. Why did the Phoenix Suns take Shaq and give up Shawn Marion. Shaq was great about 8 years ago. Unfortunately for the Suns, they got shafted!

More positive stuff later.

My Favorite

Call me a sappy person! This is my favorite commercial...





FYI - I'm going to something really cool tonight! Hopefully, it will live up to my expectations and I will blog about it.

What to Say?

I've been thinking about my Sunday School girls all day long. They are 9th graders. I had them when they were in 6th grade as well, so we are pretty comfortable with each other. Over the past couple of weeks, I've dealt with some of them individually concerning spiritual issues, relationships, and the list goes on. Here's what I'm trying to figure out. What do I need to teach them that goes beyond the every Sunday lesson? What do I wish that someone would have shared with me when I was in the 9th grade? These girls are great listeners and love some discussions. I want to give them truth from God's Word, while making it practical for the here and now. What a task! Not so sure how I am doing with accomplishing it.

Energy Drink

So, today my boss dude, Nathan, and I were checking wikipedia (an unreliable source) for information on what was in his energy drink. We found out that one of his favorites had Guarana in it, which is the main ingredient in



This stuff is the best drink in Brasil. It is kinda like Ginger Ale, but better. Anyway, the energy drink contains guarana, which has 3 times the amount of caffeine as coffee beans. I think I may need to switch from coffee to energy drinks. Why can't coffee contain guarana?

Inadequate

That one word would probably best describe my feelings of today. I guess working in the ministry would bring that about from time-to-time. I hate it when it happens. I feel like my gifts, talents, and abilities are pretty much worthless. A few times today I wanted to take the work that I was doing and just start over. I desired something fresh and it seemed like all I could come up with was leftovers.
I've been reading in Proverbs lately and most of the chapters seem to deal with my issues of pride, inability to control my tongue, and more. God's Word is so convicting, it gets to me like nothing else and I see myself as completely inadequate with a deep dependence on God. I've been thinking of the words to some worship song, I think it's called "All We Need." I love the chorus, "And we have all we need in you, and all we need is you, all we need is you." If only my heart would match up with the words that were coming out of my mouth.

How much?

Sometimes I wonder how much information a blog should really contain? Should I get real personal and tell some stories or should I just give some deep thoughts and go on? I like personal, transparent, honest information. Will this ever show up in my blogging? Maybe. For now I'm thinking... some things may just be too personal.

Still gets me excited!

Christmas happened and so many other good things have come into my life lately. I am living in a new place, enjoying a macbook, starting a new class (most interesting, I would have to say.)

Nothing compares to sharing Jesus with someone. I had the opportunity to do that a few days ago on our Student Ministry Ski Trip. This person wasn't just a student, she was a college student and was completely broken over her need for a Savior. It may have been one of the coolest conversion experiences I have ever had the privilege of witnessing. God moved in such a powerful way, the only thing for this girl to do was accept Jesus. I'm so glad I got to share in her joy. I'm so thankful for the power that God has to change lives. Thinking about it, still gets me excited.

Nothing

I've been a bad blogger in December. It has been busy! I'm working on my top 10 for 2007. I could probably give like a year in pictures, but that might be cheesy so I'm gonna stay away from that. December has been excellent, just extremely busy!

More coming soon!

A thankful heart...

Thought I would get a head start to the bazillion things I wanted to do this Thanksgiving. Once I go home, it is all about the cooking. My responsibility is making rolls. They are wonderful... it's my mom's recipe, so no credit can really be given to me. :)
This year, I am truly thankful for all the everyday things that God blesses my life with, but one thing stands out above other things this year. I was reading in Acts last week. Acts 10:34 states, "In truth I perceive that God shows no partiality." Yes, that is what I am truly thankful for this year, that God shows no partiality. In His goodness, He made provision for me to have salvation. It is definitely not something I have earned or deserve, but He opened the door for all. Such a simple thought, but one that blows my mind. My heart is overflowing with thankfulness... I pray that God blesses you and your family this Thanksgiving.

Some randomness

Have you ever had those days when God just seems to be bugging you? Not in a bad way, but in a good way, like you can't get the thought out of your head. That's been me lately. I pray that God will reveal His lesson to me soon... sometimes I'm a slow learner.

Here goes, I love bullet points!

• My mom had an exciting report about her cancer this week. The pill form of chemo is working, so she will not have to take iv chemo for now. This makes an enjoyable Thanksgiving and Christmas without all the side effects of chemo. God is bigger than cancer. I can't say it enough.
• I'm taking a church history class this term. I had no idea the volume of information included in church history. The more I learn, the more excited I am that I am a Christian.
• My small group girls are reading through Acts. I've learned so much. Some will be reflected in my Thanksgiving post.
• Speaking of Thanksgiving, it is one of my favorite holidays. Not all the pressure of gifts, but just an enjoyable time. There is supposed to be 25 of us this year for Thanksgiving. I'm so excited. The more, the merrier. Plus, I have about a million reasons to be thankful.
• One thing I am not thankful for is holiday traffic. It is already crazy here. It just reminds me of the commercialization of Christmas. Today, the thought actually came to me to not buy/recieve gifts, just enjoy the holiday. It's not about us anyway.

Beg

Exactly a week ago, I saw Shane & Shane in concert. I've seen them a couple times at different events or concerts. In my opinion, they have the most honest and open concerts of any musician(s) I have ever seen. They tell the stories behind their songs along with the Scripture that inspired the words. Their song "Beg" is not one of those deep theological songs, but more of a crying out to God.

Here's the second verse and chorus:

So here I am. Got my deeds for the day.
All my cute little words about how I am saved.
Am I saved?
Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should?
At the end of the day my words get burned as wood.
Oh, but I was good.

I'm haunted by my God
who has the right to ask me what by the nature of my rebellion I cannot give.

I beg for you to move.
For you to breakthrough


I cannot get this song out of my head! I don't think I want to...

The power of words...

My day was totally made today by a sweet compliment! I sometimes forget the power of words to make or break people. I hope that my words always build up those around me.

You know who you are, thanks for making me smile!

Roommate #1 Married

So, I have to backtrack a little. On October 13, 2007, April got married. It's quite the funny story about how April and David got together. He liked her long before she even knew that he liked her. The three of us were at our apartment one day and April said, "I think I might be ready to date someone." This made me laugh a little, cause I knew that David liked her and had tried to tell her this. About a week later, David asked her out. About a year and a half later, we celebrated their wedding. It was quite the experience and the wedding weekend was one of the most fun times in my life. All three of the roomies had been a bridesmaid in many weedings, but we had never been in a wedding together. It was so much fun! Teri got to be here for a few extra days and we had a blast together!!! So, a late congratulations goes out to April & David. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of your special day!

New Electronic Gizmo

My beloved digital camera has died. Of course, everyone knows that you cannot live without a camera. So, I bought a new one. The options are so much better than when I bought my first camera 3 or 4 years ago. Being the fashion-consciences girl that I am and realizing that every electronic that a girl owns is more like a fashion accessory, I bought this:

It is so beautiful I hate to put it in a case. It matches my pink cell phone and ipod. 'Cause it's really all about coordinating your accessories.

highlighter v. pen

For the past year and a half of my master's classes, I have used a highlighter when i read. My friends all use pens and just underline. I think I have given in to the peer pressure, although I must use a pen with colored ink (not black or blue) and only gel ink... kinda crazy. I think this combination offers the best possible emphasis for the text!

What about you? Do you use a highlighter or a pen?

Cheap Grace

I read this today. It's a quote from Bonhoeffer. I love his writings. He will be a person that I will want to chat with in Heaven.

"Cheap grace - people congratulate themselves that they are forgiven, without repenting; that God is on their side, without their following the way of God as revealed in Jesus; that they are Christians, without it making much difference in their way of life."

Does being a Christian make a difference in the way you live?

Thought-provoking class

I'm taking a Christian ethics class this semester and the topic of Racial Prejudice has come up many times, especially with related to the church. So, this got me thinking about my personal life and reminded me of my dear friend Danyel. I met her about 6 months after I moved to Memphis and her friendship has proved to be one of the highlights of my time here! We have sat through some really boring accounting classes together, ate lots of Red Robin burgers, enjoyed birthday lunches, some graduation parties, and a wedding! I have had the privilege of going to church with her and being a part of her family! And I have loved every minute of it! I'm so grateful for her friendship even though our skin is opposite in color.

So, anyway concerning prejudices in the church - it is definitely an issue in the Memphis area. How do we resolve this? I'm not sure... thoughts? comments? How should the church respond?

Busy all the time...

Last weekend, my older brother and his family of 5 moved to Memphis. Tomorrow, my little brother will be moving into my apartment. Yesterday, my roommate moved out. Tonight, my mentoree is spending the night with me. Too much busyness, not enough time to blog! Happy Friday! I love the weekend!

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my dad's birthday! He's 65! Yep, quite the old man. :) To me he's the best dad ever. I'm his only daughter so that makes the dad/daughter bond a little more special! My favorite thing about my dad is his love for my mom. Also, he is such a Godly man, the world needs more people like him!

Happy Birthday Dad! I wish you the best of days. You have been and always will be my hero!

A plethera of random

Bullet points are my favorite and most appropriate for now:

• My mom has finished her second chemo treatment. Chemo is awful and has the most horrible effects on your body. We rejoice in every good day. I read Nehemiah yesterday, he told the people to stop mourning because, "the joy of the Lord is their strength." That's a great promise when dealing with cancer of someone you love. I'm hanging on to that one.
• I've got a new group of girls for Sunday morning. Actually, they are an old group. I had them in 6th grade and now I have them in High School. I love them. We are bonding again. They seem a lot cooler than me though! :)
• My brothers are both moving to my town within the next 2 weeks. Scary. My little bro is coming to live with me. He's a cool kid. I'm glad that he is going to be around.
• I saw the Bourne Ultimatum this weekend. I'm a cheapskate and never go to movies because they are so expensive. This was worth my money. I would see it again.
• I'm working on a new Bible study group and Girls' Retreat for the fall. Crazy, yep! I love my job and the opportunities I have been given.

That's it for tonight. I have a birthday sometime this week! Maybe a post about that later! :) Peace out!

Free Stuff

Today was the most incredible Thursday. Well, not exactly, but I did get some free stuff.

First of all, Chick-fil-a (the greatest fast food restaurant ever) gave out free Chicken Biscuits!

I love chicken biscuits anyway, but free one's just taste better.

This afternoon, as I was sitting at my most favorite place, Starbucks, the manager came up to me and some Bible study girls and asked if we would like to try the new Blueberry Frappuccino.

A tall Frappuccino, of course!! Blueberry is not my favorite drink from Starbucks, but pretty good! :) Then, she proceeded to give us gift bags with cool Starbucks stuff!

What more could a girl ask for in one day... I love free Thursday!

Where have I been?

In the past couple of weeks, I have been to Missions Camp and a Mission Trip to Brazil. I've celebrated people's birthdays, experienced airport delays, and much more. Information on all of this is coming soon. The most exciting news... I have a new nephew, he was born last week. His name is Jack Ryan. I'm so excited about this sweet baby boy. I cannot wait to meet him.
Pictures from the past couple of weeks will follow in the coming days.

For now... I'm so happy to be home.

Saying what I've been thinking for a long time...

Sometimes, I read things and I think, "Wow, I've been thinking the exact same thing." Check this out.

Normal Things

I'm working on writing my book, "Life Doesn't Always Turn Out the Way You Plan!" Just kidding, although sometimes I feel like I probably could. Anyway, my dad believes that during this time with my mom we should live life as normal as possible. I agree wholeheartedly. These are some normal things that have happened lately:

• My friend/co-worker, Andy, has a blog. I'm so excited about this for a number of reasons. I promised him a long time ago that I would read his blog if he ever decided to blog. And he is a deep thinker. His words are challenging. Check it out, I promise you will not be disappointed. He is the work theologian. I give it a good stuff guarantee.
• No relation to the above, I am terrified of toads. I had a tramatic experience last week and I'm still working on the recovery.
• Way of the Master Radio may be my new favorite thing. I cannot get enough of it. Thankfully for me, there is 2 hours a day of it!
• Next week is Missions Camp in Lousiana. I'm excited about teaching my family group. The theme is "Here and Now." The lessons are though-provoking. I'm learning a lot as I study, I hope this carries over in me being able to share with my girls!

My mom has 1 more test tomorrow. We are praying for great things!! God is bigger than cancer. More info as it becomes available.

delay

I've been putting off blogging because of some not so great news. I could just start talking about something else and pretend like it's no big deal, but it is a big deal. My mom has more cancer, maybe in her colon and some on her pelvis. More scans and tests will be run to see the extent and course of action to be taken. It's been a tough couple of days. I will definitely share more later. Looking back, I believe God was preparing me and my family for this. If ya get a chance, pray for her. Prayer provides the greatest hope...
Believing in miracles,
Shawna

They didn't know...

On Sunday Mornings, the 7th grade girls are going through characters of the Old Testament. This morning, I taught on Esther and that famous line, "Yet who knows where you have come into the kingdom for such a time as this?" I shared the background of the story and the girls had no clue about any details in the story. I'm not sure if they had even heard the story before. I think I ended up teaching in shock. How can you be a girl and not know about 1 of the only 2 women in the Bible who have a book named and written all about them? I absolutely love everything about Esther's story and these girls were clueless. I believe I need to do a better job communicating with them. The Old Testament has some fascinating stories and real life application for now.
Wow... my burden as a teacher has increased!

It's a pretty good day...

So today is my mom and dad's 39th wedding anniversary. Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad! I completlely forgot about it till yesterday, being the fabulous daughter that I am.
The best thing about today is not that it is their anniversary, but that my mom received a call from the cancer doctor saying the mri showed that the tumor on her sciatic nerve is gone. Hopefully, this means she is cancer free. She will have pet scan on Monday to determine if there is cancer anywhere else. Stay tuned for part 2.

Today is also Friday and the first Friday in a long time that I don't have school work. I'm so thankful for that. I have some plans with my small group girls and a little relaxing at my best friend's pool. Life is grand.

My r on my laptop is sticking! More later!

A recap

In the last few weeks, life has consumed my life. Here's some randoms:

• My mom started another round of scans yesterday. She will have an MRI, X-rays, and PETScan before the doctors give her some information. It makes me more nervous than aything having to wait, but I believe the prognosis should be good. Expect the best, right?
• I finished my Communicating Biblical Truth class. What an experience! I "preached" a sermon and I pray I never have to do that again. It was quite interesting and lot of work. I am thankful for the experience, but most thankful for Pastors who put in the time and effort every week.
• Today is Kimbo's birthday! I will blog about that later.
• I'm preparing for Missions Camp and a Mission Trip to Brazil in July. I'm guessing that it will be a busy month.
• My old roomie Teri came home from Mexico for about a month. I'm trying to spend as much time with her as possible. I'm so thankful that she is home. You can't help but have fun when she is around.

That's life for now! No complaints here! More later!

up to my eyeballs or something like that...

I like to run at warp speed... yep... definitely.

I have started typing this blog a good 5 or 6 times and always get distracted by something else. If I may, let me share a list of the something elses.

• Summer Class - Communicating Biblical Truth (essentially a preaching class) for 4 hours Tuesday and Thursday Evenings. 3 books to read on preaching, 2 papers to write, plus a complete sermon manuscript
• Bible Study with Kimbo. We just started new book on Servant Leadership. It's incredible, but I desire to give her more so she can learn and grow.
• VBS Lessons for Middle School Students - I'm teaching on my series in 1 John that I put together for my New Testament class. Obviously, I didn't put enough in it to make it "teachable," so I'm tweaking them. I'm learning a lot, but it is time consuming.

That's my list. It makes me tired just reading it! So many incredible opportunities and I wish that I had time to dive into each one and make it great!!! I'm giving my best effort though. This is only for a short time. Obviously, God has a lot to teach me, so I'm getting it shoveled in all at once!

That's my story for now... Peace out!

the benediction...

These words are the last "song" on Jimmy Needham's cd. I never get tired of hearing them, because they always make me think... tonight I cannot get them out of my head.

No one is good – there is not even one.
The front pages of papers of children raped by rapists, Iraqi torture chambers
And we the blamed claim we’re blameless.
WRONG. ALL.

And swelling up inside of us, there’s this pride in us, this arrogance.
And our only line of defense is the sense that I’m not half as bad as this friend of mine
So I must be fine. We mean well, don’t we?
Yet I’ve never seen good intentions set a man free from
HURT. ALL.

This poor unfortunate soul, filling a single void with toy after toy, girl after boy…
How boring! This wasn’t meant to be humanity’s life story,
Warring with God, saying, “What have YOU done for ME?”
BOUGHT. ALL.

Hanging out for six hours, marred beyond recognition
In complete submission to the Father’s will,
Still, a proclamation was made, louder than the loudest temptation
With more beauty than all His creation
More eternal than eternity
More angelic than the heavenlies:
“IT IS DONE.”

You are bought with blood.
Accept.
Rejoice.
For freedom has come.

giving

It absolutely blows my mind when I try to do something nice for someone and they end up "repaying" me far greater than I could ever expect or imagine. I don't do nice things to get something in return, sometimes it just happens. God has blessed my life with some special people. That's all I have to say...

Confessions of a campaholic

My name is Shawna and I'm a recovering campaholic. Actually, I survived camp. It was the most beautiful week on the beach in Panama City Beach, FL. I learned a few things about camp... the main one being: No matter how prepared you are for camp, you are still not prepared for camp. I feel like when we plan we try to cover all the bases and think of every last detail, sometimes ya just forget. I felt like I forgot a ton of things. I'm thankful for Wal-Mart.

The students were so much fun on this camp, every year the dynamics of the students are different. I would say that these seemed to be younger and little more immature than groups in the past, but they are middle school students and that's just how most of them are. Middle school students are always funny, so there was a lot of laughs. One thing I did appreciate was not a lot of drama... that seemed to be a first for camp in a long time.

The leaders and student leaders were incredible. God seemed to put a group of us together that bonded and enjoyed working together. I had a lot of laughs with them as well as being able to share burdens for specific students. My heart continues to go out to one particular girl. I pray God gives me more opportunities to show His love to her.

So many good stories about a great camp. A few students accepted Christ and others were challenged in their walk with Christ. Very exciting stuff! One thing camp always does for me is increases my burden for students. What an opportunity I have to show Jesus each and every week to these kids! It's a scary responsibility, but I'm ready for the challenge!

Oh and one more thing... this one guy from another church looked exactly like Brandon Heath.

That was way too funny! I should have taken a picture of him!

Camp

I'm getting excited about camp! Only 1 more week of planning. I absolutely love my job and getting to put things together for trips and camps, but nothing is as much fun as actually participating in something that you have spent months preparing. I haven't done all of the work, not even close, but I love it when the event actually happens. I was thinking today that I'm ready for some change as well. Life has been quite the "normal" routine lately and I'm excited that camp is coming to mix things up a little bit.

I've been working on stuff for my small group. The Bible studies are on Joshua. It's gonna be great. I love learning and teaching about incredible characters in God's Word.

My new phone...

Thursday night, I got this phone, a Samsung Blackjack. It has got to be the coolest phone I have ever had, cause of all the really cool stuff that it can do. The problem is that my phone is cooler than me. Or at least it is smarter than me. I have done multiple things to mess it up and I'm still not really sure about all the features, but I'm trying to learn. I know one day I will be a pro with my phone, but until then I'm somewhat of a Blackjack Idiot. I'm also going to get some kind of cover for it, for the following reasons: 1. I have a tendency to drop my phone (a lot). 2. According to some of the students, PDA phones are manly. Because of these reasons, I'm going to make my phone a little girly. I'm somewhat excited about this!

Ok, so other things this week. I finished my current class New Testament 2. I have about 2 weeks off before my next class, Communicating Biblical Truth, begins. I'm excited and nervous about this class. More on that later.

Some of my extended family is coming next weekend for my cousin's High School Graduation. I'm excited about that, cause I have the greatest extended family ever. Pictures and information will follow sometime after next weekend! Also, we are getting ready for camp. I cannot believe that it has come so soon!! I'm excited about what God is going to do!!!

I'm starting to fall asleep. Until next time!

An ode to my cell phone

Dear Sweet Cell Phone,

Today, you let me down. We have been through so much together and last week, you experienced the horrible incident of being dropped and a little broken. Still, I continued to use you as I am addicted to you. Well, it's not really you, but the people you connect me with. Unfortunately, I dropped you in cup of water today and you no longer function. What will I do without you? Because of your untimely death, I will be forced to pay large amounts of money to replace you. And because I cannot live without you, I will pay.
I hope that you have enjoyed our time together. I certainly have. You will be missed, but will probably be soon forgotten as I plan to replace you with a newer model. Thank you for your service.

With love,
Shawna

No focus

As I type this, I'm aggrevated with myself. I have a set of lessons due tomorrow for my class and for the most part they are done, but I think they stink. I am so easily distracted and drawn away into other things, that I'm pretty much not able to give 100% focus to the things that need my complete and total attention. I hate it. It's like having ADD as a 25 year old... I'm off to go study for my exam.

My oldest friend...

I've been thinking a lot about people lately. I happen to have quite a few people in my life who make life a little sweeter, so I've decided to blog about them. Above is my dear friend, Misty. I have been friends with her longer than I can really remember. We met when I was in 2nd grade, she was in 1st (although she is only 3 months younger than me.) If you do all of the calculations, our friendship has perservered through almost 19 years. It absolutely blows my mind. There are a few times in our friendship that I'm not so proud of, but the great memories far outweigh anything bad. We have gotten into more trouble than any 2 people should be allowed. We have pulled numerous pranks and she is the person who always makes me laugh. In high school, we had about 1,000 inside jokes and enough nicknames to call each other something different every time we saw each other. Misty was famous for writing me poems, but not like a really nice poem... her poems always rhymed perfectly and made sure to let me know that she was the queen of poetry while at the same time cutting me down. They were so cheesy, and still make me laugh to this day. She will always be the one to understand that to have a good party, ya gotta have cheese dip! :)

Misty graduated from college on Saturday! I'm so proud of her. No, she hasn't been there forever, she worked for awhile before starting. Our lives are completely different. She is married with a fun 2 year-old boy and well, I finished college 3 years ago and haven't really gotten married yet. I'm so grateful for her friendship. It has been tried and tested in so many ways and I'm thankful that after all these years I can still call her a friend. Normally, I embrace change, but I'm glad that a few things have remained the same.

Mom & Me

On Friday, May 4 my mom finished her cancer radiation treatments! That evening, we went to a Mother/Daughter Banquet together at my parents' church in Jonesboro. This is just a snapshot of us before the banquet. I think my mom looks absolutely beautiful! God has been so good to me and my family. I had some great laughs with my mom, but my favorite part of the evening came at the very end. The lady in charge of the banquet asked Mom to pray. I have never heard a more beautiful prayer. Mom's prayer came out of the overflow of her thankful heart. I will never forget it as long as I live. I'm so thankful that blessings abound and grace has been sufficient to meet our needs! How amazing it is to serve a God who cares! He has proved Himself so faithful!

hmm...

So this week has been emotional... I think that I am the most emotional person I know. Pretty much everything makes me cry, whether good or bad. It has come to be a joke with my roommate and after saying anything she will respond with, "Does it make you want to cry?" My mom gave my family a pretty good scare on Thursday when Drs. ordered a cat scan on her head to see if she had a tumor there. After receiving a cancer diagnosis, it is scary to think of what could be next. Thankfully, she is ok and only has one more week of radiation.

This week I have had breakfast, lunch, or dinner with the following people: Amanda, Eric, Jessica, Nathan, David, Andy, Jessica (again), April, and Bettie. I enjoyed the company of all these different people almost every day this week. It was fabulous. I happen to enjoy my friends very much. I'm so thankful for each of them. If you were one of the people who happened to pay for my meal, my stomach and I thank you! I'm excited to see who I get to enjoy a meal with next week: plans so far, lunch with my prayer partner on Thursday, a mother/daughter banquet with my mom on Friday night and a breakfast date with my dad next Saturday, Graduation lunch with my best friend from high school on Saturday! Good times! I'm already excited!

Just another manic monday... not quite!

Time is not my friend, I have decided! There's just not enough to do all the things I want to do and the things that I get to do end up taking longer than I had originally planned. I'm like a time nazi, so this is not good for me. So, bullet points for today! I think I do everything in bullet points!

• I spent the weekend in Jonesboro with my mom and dad. They were pretty much the people that I saw all weekend, except for the people at Wal-Mart. In Arkansas, you can never miss the people at Wal-Mart. I have about a bazillion Wal-Mart stories... I should share sometime. My favorite part of the weekend: getting up early on Saturday morning and talking with my dad! And I did all of this without coffee (small miracle). It was great, he's one of my favorite people to have a conversation with and he always listens, even though we disagree on some stuff!!!
• My little brother is probably moving to Memphis to be my new roomie when my old roomie moves out to get married! Kinda crazy, yes. I'm excited for like 2 reasons: first of all, Jimbo cannot live without dvr (I want dvr, but I refuse to pay for it) and second... he's a cool kid, so I know it will be fun!
• My mom is doing good with her radiation treatments. A lot of fatigue and lack of appetite. She should be done by the weekend before Mother's Day! Yeah! Thing that I have learned from cancer lately: Nothing comes as a surprise to God! That's pretty comforting for me.
• And lastly, the lesson for my girls this week was on Isaiah 6:1-8. I got a whole new perspective on Isaiah's call to the ministry. It was so exciting! Sometimes, I wish the students were as excited about learning as I am about teaching!!! I absolutely love the opportunities I have to serve.

I had a lot of fun this past week and weekend with a bunch of random people and met some fun new ones as well. Life is dandy...

Highlights of my week and weekend!

Not a whole lot of time for blogging lately and some things I just didn't want to write for the whole world to read. Here goes:

• My sweet little "mentoree," Kimberly found out that her daddy has cancer in his colon. Surgery and chemo will probably be used to treat this. Life is forever changed for her and her family. Unfortunately, I know what they are going through. We've cried a lot, laughed some, and held on to promises from God's word. Some bad days are ahead, but I believe that God can use cancer for His glory.
• I had the opporunity to minister to a girl whose problems are bigger than any adult should have to handle, and she's not adult. Lesson learned: dependence on God for words to speak.
• I attended a Youth Specialties "CORE" seminar of handling hurting kids. I was already excited about what I would learn and am even more thankful for the opportunity to gain some extra knowledge in light of recent events.
• I had some of the most interesting conversations with some co-workers, friends, and students within the ministry here at my church. Sometimes the students say the most interesting things and I wonder why do they need leaders, they know more the me.
• My Small Group Lesson was on Hosea this week, my favorite though from the whole book of Hosea: Hosea 14:3, "...in you the fatherless find mercy." What an incredible promise! God has blown my mind as I thought about that the last few days. We can say that about no one else, except for the loving Heavenly Father we serve!!!

That's me for now... one small note, I ate lasagna off of a styrofoam plate for lunch. I think I also consumed some styrofoam that stuck to the food, I hope styrofoam is ok for your body... scary.

The best enchiladas...

My all-time favorite place to eat growing up was this Mexican restaurant in Jonesboro. I still think that they have better Mexican food than any Mexican restaurant in Memphis. They also have my favorite, Enchiladas Supremas, plus some wonderful cheese dip (what you really need to have a good time). So, any opportunity to eat there is good for me. On Friday, I had lunch with my best friend from high school, Misty. We had the best time. I know that the waiters thought we were crazy, because we laughed so hard. It was like being back in high school and everything was hilarious, especially when we talked about some of the crazy things we got into back in the day. I hope Misty and I always remain friends... we had a time where our worlds kinda grew apart, but over the past couple of months we have grown closer to each other. Thanks for the time Misty, it was fabulous... thanks to you, El Acapulco... you still make the best enchiladas.

Short and sweet

I'm back in my hometown for a few days to visit my family and get some rest. One of the few things that I like about this place, it is always quiet. That's good for me for a few minutes. I have more time to do things I enjoy like read! I'm having lunch today with my best friend from high school. More on that next time!

The real reason for this post. My friend/co-worker, Adam now has a blog. This guy leads worship for our youth ministry and always has some really great stuff to say... I'm sure he will have some great things posted. He is so passionate about worship and God just has a way of speaking through him!

Today is already a busy day! More from me later!

Mind blowing...

Sometimes God puts people in my life and I'm not really sure why. Normally, if the person is difficult to deal with, I have a one-sided conversation with God about how I feel about the situation... In my life, God has always won and I'm put in a somewhat interesting situation with no clue what I am supposed to do. This has been my life for the past 2 weeks.

God put this student in my life. I'm not sure why or what brought this about, she chose to share her life and stories with me. Often, I would listen and wonder why is she telling me this. Her story was not the norm, but what blew my mind the most was her lack of belief in God. How can you not believe in God?? I have never had to argue that God exists to a student before, but I believe so I presented my case. She listened, over and over again. It was like talking to brick wall. How delightful for me.

I offered Jesus as the solution, the answer to our problems. He's the only answer I have, cause I'm not a psychologist or phychiatrist. I don't understand how the mind works or the best medicines, so Jesus is what I have to offer people.

Imagine my surprise on Monday afternoon when she came into my office and wanted to talk about Jesus. I thought she was lying. I shared the Gospel from beginning to end at least 3 times. How can you hear this and not believe and not accept Jesus? That afternoon, she said something about more time. I tried and failed. Good thing for me, God uses the Holy Spirit and not me to convict of sin. I would give up too easily.

On Tuesday evening, I shot down every excuse she could throw at me for not becoming a Christian. "I'm not good enough, I have things in my past, I don't understand everything, What if I don't feel like a Christian?" She drained me of everything I knew to say and all I could do was offer her Jesus. She chose Jesus!!! 2 weeks of craziness could not compare to the pure joy that came from that moment and has continued since then.

God used me. Why? To share Jesus... it blows my mind.

Happy April!!!

I love the month of April. It is Spring and my allergies are screwed up, but they seem to always get a little better in April. Time will tell. Ok, so many stories!

My roommate, April, got engaged. Yep, we were planning this really cool surprise birthday party on Friday night where she was somewhere and we showed up with the decorations and stuff and yelled "SURPRISE!" Imagine my surprise when we walked in the door and she is wearing this t-shirt that says, "I said YES!" Kinda crazy, huh??? A few people knew, but since I'm incapable of keeping a secret, they didn't tell me. A decision those people will regret later as I plan on giving them a hard time for a long time. I think I had this feeling of shock for a few moments and then did a sweet recovery and congratulated the happy couple, as it should be! :) It turned into an engagement/birthday party, pretty much fun. We were way tired!!!!!!!!!!!

On April's actual birthday (the next day) we got to spend some time together at one of our favorite places in Memphis, Shelby Farms. It is this wonderful place in the middle of the city that has hiking, bike trails, lakes, bison, kite flying, and so much more. It is absolutely beautiful, you feel like you are in the middle of nowhere just enjoying the outside! We had a great time just hanging out! I think it might be a sign that we are getting old!

Ok, gotta run for now! More soon!

Best day ever...

Today was quite possible one of the best days I have had in a long time. Could it have been because I had a wonderful free lunch??? Maybe. I realized today (not for the first time) how much I absolutely love my job. It gives so much freedom to be creative, think, minister to people, accomplish something with an actual purpose, watch students grow, and the list could go on.................................. I know that I could do better and I'm definitely not perfect, but each and every day I get to go to work and do things that I enjoy. How sweet is that??? This morning I could not wait to get to work, cause I had a brilliant idea to share. My job beats the socks off an accounting job any day.

Rejoice! --Shawna

The best place.

It's been 3 weeks to the day since we learned that my mom has cancer. How my life has changed in 3 weeks? I have realized that God has a lot of things to show me and maybe needed to get me out of my comfort zone and begin His work. My family has learned so much already and the journey continues.

My mind has been overtaken by this thought of being in the best place. Because of cancer, I have chosen to be with my mom over some of the daily/routine activities where I seem to find myself. I was encouraged to chose time with mom over a youth trip that had been planned for months. My time with mom was greater than any trip I could ever take. I chose to be available for some hurting friends; it was the best decision. I chose mom this past weekend instead of my usual fun-filled craziness. Mom was the best choice. Why has it taken cancer for me to realize how much I love her and enjoy my time with her. Even in her pain, she still gives so much to me. We had a blast and from time to time she would say, "I just needed my daughter." I experience such joy from hearing things like that. I want to be more open to being in the best place. It seems like I always have multiple options about where to be or what to be doing. I want to chose the best place... right now, I'm working on that!

This week...

My ultimate goal this week is to... cook a decent meal. My roommate and I have been suffering. We need good food. It's like being back in college again, although I pray I never eat ramen noodles again. I'm working on one of my best blogs ever. Look for it soon (like after I tackle my small mountain of schoolwork.)

A Bunch of Random

So much crazy stuff has been going on in my life, so I'm going to share as much as possible, hopefully in order of importance.

• My mom started radiation this week. She is doing pretty good. The spot on her leg where they are doing the radiation is a little swollen, but she seems to be tolerating it quite well. My prayer is that this will completely kill the cancer. I'm going home to visit and take care of her this weekend. I'm kinda excited, I actually miss my mom and I know that she misses me!!
• My best friend's grandfather passed away earlier this week. Today I get to go to a funeral for him. The greatest thing I have realized during this time: It's an incredible thing when you are able to say, "I'm here for you" and actually put those words into action.
• My sis-in-law is having a boy. So that means I will have 2 nephews and 1 niece (exactly like my siblings and me). It will be wonderful... my niece is already so much like me, but probably cooler than I was at 3. I'm excited, and I have to wait till July before he actually arrives.
• **This is not actually important to anyone but me.** I bruised my left leg bone by tripping over a speaker/monitor thingy. It has been a week and it is still quite painful. It's so not fun being a klutz.
• I started my new Master's class for New Testament 2. We went through the book of Galatians on Tuesday night. It was incredible, gave me a whole new love for the book. My professor is so structured and presents things in the most wonderful way. I love it! I expect to learn a lot.
• And last and certainly not least, we are making summer preparations within the ministries that I work with. I'm excited about what God has in store. Our first trip will be Beach Blast with the Middle School students. I absolutely love those kids. I enjoy the planning of these trips, but love when we actually go and get to see the results of all the planning/preparation. God is definitely working in the lives of students and I know that camp will be a life-changing time for some of them.

My randomness is out! My Memphis Tigers have made it to the Sweet 16. I will be cheering them on this evening!!

Your life is not in danger...

After 2 weeks in the hospital, my mom finally received some answers. What was once thought to be a sciatic nerve problem is now a cancerous tumor. After multiple tests, scans, biopsys, etc. she was diagnosed with a cancer called carcinoma. She will undergo radiation for the next 6 weeks. The cancer has not been found anywhere else in her body and the doctors are hopeful that the radiation will shrink and destroy this tumor. My family was completely shocked to take in this news. Cancer always comes to other people and it is so different when it affects your family. We have been affected and by the grace of God we are continuing on. I'm going to use this blog as my outlet for discussing this. My family has been very open about this situation and we talk about it a lot. My parents have incredible faith and I have seen it put to the test in the last week or so. We keep saying that "God is bigger than cancer," and if we say it enough it starts to be a little more believeable. Personally, I have been down a tough road this week. Cancer completely robbed the joy in my life. I hated the thought, the words, and the diagnoses. It is so easy to say things like, "trust God," or "God is working," and it is so much harder to cling to these as your promise when reality is hard. My dad keeps telling me that we say we have this faith, but until it is put to the test does it become refined and strengthened. It goes without saying that my faith is being tested, some days are easier than others. I have chosen to be encouraged and optimistic about the situation, although sometimes my feelings prove to be the opposite. And the title of my post, the doctor said those words before my mom left the hospital last Friday, "Your life is not in danger..." We needed to hear that.

More to come.

What a Week!

I'm blogging from a hospital room. Not me, but my sweet mom is currently residing in the hospital. She has a tumor on her sciatic nerve and will be undergoing surgery early next week. I've spent time every single day at the hospital and I have come to hate being in the hospital. Although, I do appreciate good doctors and nurses. My mom is getting the best care one could imagine and I'm thankful for that.

I had no idea what an emotional wreck this week would make me. I've cried my eyes out more times than I care to count. As I sit here, I can only ponder what God is trying to show me through this time. I'm not sure I've learned it yet. I'm ever reminded of my dependency on God and my lack of control in all situations. I have seen the great faith of my mom and dad. I want to be more like them when it comes to trusting God. They look at this time as an answer to their months of prayer. I feel like I only see a small piece of what they see. I have prayed that God would strengthen and increase my faith. Maybe after this trial is complete, I will be able to look back and see how God was working. In the meantime, I'm still learning.

I met a new friend today. It was an interesting experience. I love meeting new people, especially when conversation comes easy and nothing seems forced. I enjoyed the short time we had a chance to chat. Hopefully, our conversation will continue in the future.

More blogging later. The hospital can get boring real fast. I'm also thankful for best friends, who realize I need some dinner and are more than willing to come and meet my need for food and friendship. My life is sweeter because of them.