8 Months

I have a lot to write, but tonight I'm just thinking about 8 months that have passed since Mom went to rest in the presence of our Savior. Lately, I have been missing little things about her. The way she responded to certain situations, her pancakes, phone calls, and hearing her voice. Her voice is still in my head. It will probably never go away and I'm just fine with that. I was reading today in John 16 when Jesus tells His disciples that He would be going away. He told them that they would sorrow for awhile, but then rejoice and when they would come to Him, no one would be able to take away their rejoicing. (my paraphrasing) That is exactly how I feel concerning missing Mom. I know that our sorrow and rejoicing seem to have their roller coaster moments, but when we are reunited and experiencing Jesus and the joys of Heaven, it delights my heart to know that the joy of Jesus will never be taken away. How I long to live in light of eternity!

I love Hebrews 12:2, "for the joy that was set before Him, he endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

Giving up dessert for Lent...

Another year, another Lenten season. I'm still Southern Baptist and sometimes I wonder if it would be helpful for us to celebrate something such as this. I did not participate in Fat Tuesday, although I thought some pancakes would be delicious. Ash Wednesday came and went for me. I have the need to confess my sins everyday and have an amazing High Priest who serves as a mediator to God on my behalf. Yesterday I listened to an Ash Wednesday service podcast. My thinking and views of Lent have changed.

Most people give up something and play this card, "I'm giving up chocolate for Jesus. I get to experience His sufferings by suffering without chocolate for 40 days." It made me sad that I could compare giving up something so insignificant to His great sufferings. The Bible says in Isaiah 53, "But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed." No way in the world could giving up chocolate, caffeine, desserts or any other thing compare to Him being wounded, crushed, and beaten.

This year I've given up eating dessert, not so in the end I can say "Woohoo, I gave up dessert for Jesus." No, I'm giving up something I enjoy with a desire to focus my heart and mind on the greatest event that ever was or ever will be in human history. For believers nothing of this world should have control over your life, but Jesus. I'm focusing on some inward changes in my life as well, which I may blog about if God gives me some victory in this area. I want to be excited about Easter. We countdown to Christmas and make it a huge deal, but Easter suddenly comes on us and we go into superspiritual mode. My desire is to be ever mindful of His death and resurrection. This event changed my life forever and has taken a fallen human and gave the promise and hope of eternal life. This is cause for celebration and reflection, more than just one Sunday of the year.

Sorta an update

I've been far too busy to blog. I cannot tell you how many people God has put in my path lately and given incredible opportunities to minister. I pick people over blogging any day. Here's what has been on my mind lately: modesty. How can I convey this to the girls that God puts in my life? Amy, the girl that I teach with, said something that got me thinking even more about it yesterday. Modesty is defined by our culture and not by truths of God's Word. Modesty during the time of your Mom or Grandma is different than how people view it now. What exactly am I going to do about it? I have a few ideas. I think you have to teach parents and daughters, not just daughters. Dads should be involved in the modesty of the females in the family. I'll keep you posted, as I am excited about this new challenge.

Something I've always wanted to do...

January is Sanctity of Human Life Month. I read an interesting blog about this situation today. On Saturday, I got to do something for someone else concerning this situation. The Student Ministry Girls hosted a Baby Shower for Life Choices of Memphis. It was amazing. I love that it is not all about me and what I can do, but about doing something for someone else. This organization is incredible and to be able to minister to them in this small way impacted me greatly. I love it when I get an opportunity to do something I have always wanted to do. As the shower ended, I kept thinking that I was walking away empty-handed, but with such gratefulness and gratitude for the gift and joy of life.

Reading

I made some goals for this coming year. One started because of a wonderful Christmas gift I received, an ESV journaling Bible. (I'm a big fan of the ESV, as you may already know.) In this awesome Bible, it has a reading plan to read the OT through once, the NT twice, and Psalms twice. It sounded like a great plan to me, so I dove in on January 1. So far, so good. Here's the thing that I have been thinking about, I love to read blogs, especially about other people's lives. I get drawn into their story whether good or bad. As I have been reading through the book of Genesis, these stories are so interesting. Some of them are way out there and you just read thinking, "No way in the world could that happen." Others are so miraculous and shows how God was actively involved in His creation from the beginning. And there is God's promises that have been fulfilled for a few thousand years, it is amazing. So, what's the point? I want to read God's Word the way I read blogs, with a desire to see the new adventures that He had planned for His people. I was convicted a few months ago about reading the Bible because it is the desire of my heart and not an obligation. I do so many things in my life because I enjoy it or desire to do that. So, it has produced a goal for 2009, to read because knowing God and His Word is the desire of my heart. Some days, it is not my desire, but most days I am learning to open the Word with anticipation knowing that my Heavenly Father desires to speak to me.

17 years ago today...

I asked Jesus into my heart. I was 10 and didn't have a huge grasp on what I was doing, but believed His Word that says, "If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." I love that salvation is available for all and even a child can receive it. I love that our salvation is still taking place as we are sanctified more and more to be like Christ. I love the blessed hope that one day our salvation will be complete. My mom lead me to Jesus. That should come as no surprise. She played a huge role in shaping my spiritual life and being one of the godliest examples in my life. Her example still inspires me today and hopefully for the rest of my life.

We had a beautiful Christmas. I loved that so many were praying for us. I got to feel a small touch of how God comforts His children. I've been amazed by the name "Immanuel" this Christmas season. Scripture says that it means "God with us." I'm so thankful that we are able to experience God with us more than 2000 years after He came to this earth.

17 years ago today I asked Jesus to come live in my heart. I am so thankful for that day.

Happy Birthday Mom!

To Mom on your 64th Birthday:

Sixty-four years ago today you entered the world and I am so thankful for your day of birth. About five months ago, God chose to take you home to be with Him. I am trying to learn to be thankful for that day although it broke my heart deeper than it had ever been. I have been trying to imagine Heaven for the past few months and cannot comprehend. I think of you every day and try to do things like you would do them, although my cooking experiences still leave much to be desired. I am thankful for your relationship with Dad for over 40 years and how I continue to learn from it. Your kids have done their best to take care of Dad. He is a strong man with great faith, although he sometimes gets lonely without you.
I think of you everytime I am around your grandkids. I hope God allows you to see them a little bit. They are growing so fast and I cannot help but think of how much you adored them. I cannot wait to tell my children about you someday. I have so many great things to share.
I cannot help but think of you being with Jesus. I wonder if you would tell us that it is better than you could have imagined. I keep thinking of the part of the song from "O Come All Ye Faithful" that says, "For He Alone is Worthy." You lived your life like that and I am sure you are getting to see that first hand.
My heart misses you more than words can express. I saw what I thought would have been the best Christmas card for you the other day, had a few tears in Hallmark. You would've understood. I miss my Mom and I also miss my dear friend. You were the best and will always have a piece of my heart.

Until We Meet Again,
Shawna Joy

Happy Thanksgiving!

I might love this day more than any other, although the rolls that I made did not rise. Three things that I am thankful for, they have been on my mind all week. The top 3 for this year if you will:

1. My Mom is no longer suffering from the horrible effects of cancer.
2. God allows our faith to be shaken and stirred, not to harm us, but to show us how dependent we are on Him. Faith comes from Him and Him alone.
3. God Word, the Bible, has proven to be such a comfort and encouragement to me this year. When I read the pages, I see that God's Word is so alive and relevant for me. It has proven to be a true help and comfort, more than any other book or words that have been shared with me. I am so thankful for the words of peace and promise.

I encourage you to read Isaiah 12. It is a beautiful hymn of Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Some randoms...

It is the week of Thanksgiving! It may be my favorite holiday. It is definitely in close contention with Valentine's Day. Imagine a single girl saying that, I love Valentine's Day because of about a zillion wonderful memories. I remember a lot of them better than I have remembered most Christmases. Here's some things on my mind:

• I'm tired of hearing about the movie Twilight. I am totally against it for a lot of reasons. I am sad that believers will take their children to see this movie. I hate it that the things of this world can have such a huge impact on the lives of believers.
  
• I'm excited for a new president although I did not vote for him. I believe it is a big step for our country and I pray that his presidency will break down some racial barriers that are still prevalent in our world today, especially in my city. I believe that Christians have a responsibility to pray and support whoever God allows to serve in the office of the President.
  
• Speaking of authority, I am struggling with some thoughts. We are finishing up with students in Colossians. Colossians 3 speaks of submission, first concerning wives to husbands, then children to parents, and finally employees to employers. I agree with how we respond to these relationships show our submission to God, but there is more. I think it is easy for men to preach that women should be in submission and I agree that it should be preached on. However, many men I encounter devalue women in the process of speaking on submission. If a man desires a woman to submit to him, treat her with care and respect. She is valuable in the eyes of God and should be given the same consideration in the eyes of man. (Disclaimer: This was not a problem in the preaching in my church, but some comments were made following the message.)
  

That's enough for tonight. Lots of controversial stuff anyways. I will write this week of the things I am thankful for, I can think of three that top the list.

With a heart of thanksgiving,
Shawna

Two Bracelets

I've been in the blogging mood lately, but have been too tired or busy to blog. I took this picture the other day.
If you see me on any given day, you would probably see these as well. I started wearing the gold and pearl bracelet on August 1 or so. It is a Heaven bracelet and can be purchased here. The idea of the bracelet is taken from Revelation 21:21, " And the twelve gates were twelve pearls, each of the gates made of a single pearl, and the street of the city was pure gold, transparent as glass." It is a visual reminder to me of the beauty of Heaven and the people and treasure that await for those that know Jesus. I started wearing the green and silver bracelet around the first of September in honor of Ovarian Cancer Awareness month. The same lady who made the Heaven bracelet made a the Ovarian Cancer bracelet to my specifications.

These are two things that I cherish, not because of their value, but because of what they represent. I love that I know I will see my Mom again and enjoy eternity with her. Ovarian Cancer is a silent, but deadly cancer and much awareness and research has been done for early detection and a cure. Greater advancements need to be made before more ladies suffer from this deadly disease. I wear these bracelets in honor and in memory of my mom. My life was impacted by her for 27 years and she still continues to influence my thoughts and life even though she is away from my presence for a short time.

How to Continue

1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. -Romans 5:1-5

These were mine and Mom's verses that we read while I was on Mission Trip to Brazil in 2007. I would read them over and over again in Brazil, knowing that Mom was back home battling cancer. She was reading them daily as well in an effort to continue to fight. We knew that the outcome would produce something that would bring hope in our lives and glorify God.

What I have been struggling with is how to take the God things that we did together and continue these practices in my life. I could always share Scripture with her that had made an impact in my life and she would want to read it. She would often tell me a story from her past and how those Words had served as encouragement or provided conviction in her life.

For the last few months or so before she passed away and was able to talk on the phone, we would pray together each evening. We had three things that had to be included in our prayer:

• Give thanks to God for one person who had been a blessing to us that day.
• Give thanks for one thing that God had blessed us with that day.
• Pray for someone who was going through a more difficult time than us.

I remember the prayers so vividly and the people that God had allowed to cross our paths during that day. I remember the hurting people that God had placed in my life and ministry and how Mom would carry that burden with me.

So, what I am trying to figure out is how to continue to live out this legacy of faith that she has passed on to me. It is not the same since I don't have her to share it with me, but I am certain that she would not want me to stop praying specificially or getting excited about God's Word, even though I cannot tell her about it. This is obviously not a problem, but a good thing as I am being challenged to continue on in what I have been taught and know to be true.

3 Months Update

Yesterday was three months since my Mom experienced her Heavenly treasure. I wish I could say my family is doing great and things are moving along quite well. I can say that most of the time my family is doing great and things are moving along quite well, but we have our moments. One thing about this time that has been so crazy for me is the lessons that I am learning. Often, I feel like I get a new lesson each week. God knows I could not handle too much at once, so I think that is obviously the point of showing something new each week. The biggest thing that I have seen in the past few days is that how one deals with the death of a loved one is significantly related to the faith of the one who passed away and the one left behind. This may not seem like a big deal, but it has been a big deal to me because I have actually seen it. I've encountered people in the last 3 months who have struggled with a death as a nonbeliever or as a relatively new Christian and it is interesting to see how difference their experience has been. My grief has been so real, but the hope that I have in Christ has been so much greater. Christ is the true foundation of my faith and my faith being shaken has not changed that in the least bit. The Word has been the biggest comfort to me, even more than the sweet words of some people or having my family by my side.
Of course, there is much more, but that is going to be it for now. God has been so faithful. I have been listening to a CD by Jami Smith called "Faith in You." It is amazingly honest. Life is changing for the better I believe, I am reading a ton and I love it. So many great books, so little time.
Of all the lessons I have learned, the thing that comes to me over and over again is that God is an ever-present friend. Oh how we need Him.

One More Week of Waiting

I preordered this months ago and cannot wait for it to come out.

I love a good Study Bible, and am sure that this will be my favorite cause the ESV is my preferred translation. You can check it out here and even order one for yourself.

Happy Rainy Tuesday!

You are Everything

I realized that my blog was starting to depress even me. So many good things are going on in my life. This is quickly becoming my new favorite song:

You Are Everything - Matthew West

I’m the one with two left feet
Standing on a lonely street
I can’t even walk a straight line
And every time you look at me
I’m spinning like an autumn leaf
Bound to hit bottom sometime
Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I ever care to confess
Oh but, You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

You’re everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hanging up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
You are
You are
Jesus, You are
You are everything

Another musical thing that I ran across that was incredible was this interview with Lecrae and Mark Driscoll. I saw Lecrae in concert a few months ago. He is definitely the real deal and even calls Memphis home.

2 months

It has been two months today since Mom got a better offer to leave all earthly cares behind for brighter Home. In some ways, my heart is completely empty as I think about her not being here, and in other ways, I have never been so loved by a Heavenly Father and my family. I read from one of her books on the morning before she went to be with Jesus that afternoon. It is a quote from Spurgeon, "Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties." We have experienced the difficulties and we are seeing glimpses of the grandeur. We have mostly seen God glorified. God took my Mom so that He could be glorified. No other reasons, but His glory. This is one of many lessons I am trying to grasp.

Mom's Ring

Sometimes I wear my Mom's mothers ring. It has the birthstones of all 5 of our family members on it. Her birthstone is blue and it is in the middle. When I know that I am going to have a tough day I wear it. I don't need a reminder of her, everything reminds me of her. When I look at it, I am reminded of her strength and courage when facing tough situations. I want to be like her. I want to be strong and courageous, but often I feel weak and helpless. This month has been so hard. The missing her doesn't seem to go away, some days it is greater than others. I think that I wasn't through needing her yet, but God chose to take her. I am thankful that she is free from suffering and pain. I just wasn't ready to be without her. I miss that she listened better than anyone else. I miss her voice on the phone. I miss knowing whenever I went home, she would be there. I miss her.

Mom

My mom joined Grandpa in Heaven on July 23, 2008. I didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much. I'm not sure when I will want to blog again. I wrote a lot while she was in the hospital. I may share some of that. We have many great memories, although my heart has been broken.

George Kelly Jr - May 19, 1918 - June 14, 2008

My grandpa went home to Jesus a week and a half ago. I miss him a lot. God gave him 90 years on this earth and I was fortunate to know him for 26 of them. So many good memories, my last one is from breakfast on the Sunday before he passed away. Grandpa and Grandma were eating breakfast and wearing red shirts. Grandpa told me that everyone should wear red shirts on Sunday. This past Sunday, I wore a red shirt. His love for Jesus will affect me as long as I live. Thank you Grandpa for your Godly legacy. My heart will always miss you.

Graduation

Tomorrow night at 6 pm, I am graduating from Union University with a Master's Degree in Christian Studies. I am psyched! I cannot believe that it is finally here!

The simpliest things

I get joy from small things in life, like whip cream in the can, happy hour at sonic, waking up and realizing it is Saturday and I can sleep. Ya get the picture. Well, my mind has been on Theological things since I am reading this Systematic Theology book by Wayne Grudem. I usually read the book with the Bible by my side for looking up verses when he only gives the reference or for looking up the context. Anyway, I was reading about justification and came across these verses in Isaiah 55:6-7, "Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon." I love these verses. I know I have read them many times. Here's what jumped off the page as a finished reading: verses 8-9, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Yes, more familiar verses.
Before now, I had not realized that those verses were hanging our next to each other. How incredible of God to put these together for me to read! :) I love it that when I seek God in His Word, He continues to impress me and show me more of Him.
Simple stuff, yet brings joy.