Except for the people you meet

I was thinking of the old saying that goes something like this, "Five years from now, you will be the same person you are today, except for the books you read and the people you meet." I've meet quite a few people in my life and obviously some have impacted for the positive and others for the negative. I dated a guy for awhile a few years ago and our relationship ended badly. Sometimes, I would catch myself thinking, what was the point of this? I got a little insight into it the other day and needed to share.

Somewhere back in April 2003, I wrote down these words in a journal from Isaiah 42:16, "I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known, I will make the dakrness light before them, And crooked places straight. These things I will do for them, And not forsake them." This was the verse that God used to point my heart in the direction of full-time Christian service. God used this to soften me for the next best thing He desired to show me. I was blindly reaching out for something and God used this verse and this certain guy to show me what He desired in my life. This guy I was dating encouraged me to pursue ministry and 3 years later, I am amazed at the fact that God has chosen to use me.

Today, I am thankful for a failed relationship. Looking back, it is obvious that he the one that God had for me, but I am thankful for the time that we had together. If only for the simple fact that I can look today and see that God was doing something much bigger in my life. I'm so glad that we are different because of the people that God brings into our lives.

More Wonderful

I cannot get this song by Aaron Shust out of my head. I have been listening to it for over a week and everytime I hear it, it makes me smile. I get so wrapped up in myself and my crazy life sometimes. It reminds me to step back and take a look at the greatness of God. My faults are great and still God chooses to love. Kinda overwhelms me and I love it. Enjoy these words! I certainly have!

God of unending grace,
I come to You on my face
I need to hear You speak to me,
Won't You make me new right now

God of omnipotent power,
visit us in this hour
And may we leave here changed
because we've met with You, God

You've been more wonderful to me
than I could have ever imagined
You've shown more love than
I could show in a thousand years
And although it seems at times
like it all means nothing to me
You gotta know that I love You
You gotta know that I need You

God of wisdom and love,
settle down from above
Give us all a taste of what
Your Holy Spirit can do

Time and time again we've betrayed,
but our debt's already been paid
And all that leaves me wanting
is to live for you, God

When the world crashes down around me
I know You'll be there to pull me out from the rubble
When my enemy surrounds and I call on your name
You'll be there to deliver me from my troubled soul

Rescue me from all my selfish ways
and thoughts and deeds and plans
Lead me in the everlasting way
and I will follow you there

September 11, 2001

This date will forever be etched in my memory. I believe it is to my generation what the assassination of JFK was to my parent's generation or the attack on Pearl Harbor to my grandparent's generation.

I remember everything about September 11th. I was on my way to school and I heard it on the radio. It seemed like some kind of crazy accident. It was not until I got to school that I would realized the great tragedy of the events that occurred. Who in the world would do something to our country? My mind asked all kinds of questions as I sat watching a row of tv screens. First, the Twin Towers, the Pentagon, and finally Pennsylvania. What was going on in my country where I had always felt so safe?

My first two classes were cancelled and I waited around for my noon class, not sure what to do. My older brother was in Florida for work with no way to return back to Ohio. His voice was definitely the most comforting that day. I was also concerned for my extremely pregnant sis-in-law, and later found out that she was staying at her parents house. I remember the feeling that I just needed to hear the voice of those people that I loved.

My last class of the day was Music Appreciation. My professor decided that we were not going to accomplish anything, so he let us go. My professor was also my piano teacher and that day was my day for a lesson. I went like normal, but without the focus and confidence that I usually possessed. I sat down at the piano and started to play. I have no idea what I played but I played for over an hour. Occasionally, my teacher would play along with me and sometimes he would just sit there. He gave no corrections or suggestions. He just let me play. I had never played with such power and emotion. I was looking for something good to come out of this horrible day and for me, it was music.

I was thinking about Job last week. His story in the Bible intrigues me everytime I read it. In the first chapter after he has lost everything, he fell to the ground and worshipped. I had the opportunity to do that on September 11, 2001. The music I played had nothing to do with me. It was my act of worship.

It's Been Awhile

waiting room by shane barnard
i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are

Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence

cause its all about You
i will fight when i cannot feel
i will trust when You dont seem real
i will tell when i cannot speak
i will step when i cannot see