My dad asked me on Thursday how's life? I responded with "its some kinda rollercoaster." In January, I feel like God has taken me and shaken me, turned me upside down, stirred my heart, and so much more. How great is my desire to serve Jesus with reckless abandon? How great is the pull of every other thing and person to make me hang on to things that are absolutely worthless? I've been teaching my Sunday School girls, some pretty incredible things of the Old Testament characters of Rahab, Joshua, and Gideon. Each week, I'm challenged by their relationship with God. I loved what God said to Gideon in Judges 7:2, " The people who are with you are too many for Me to give the Midianites into their hands, let Israel claim glory for itself against Me saying, My own hand has saved me." How awesome, God would shrink an army in order to ensure that He would be the only One worthy to receive the glory. Things like this have hit me like a train wreck over the past month.
Then, I have had these wonderful feelings of inadequacy. Yep, me, not knowing the answers. Students come to me hurting and I feel absolutely helpless. One particular girl has become "my project." Because of things in the past, she has lost all faith and trust in God. Sharing Jesus with her is not enough. Talking to her about it would require something that breaks down stone walls. The only answer I have seen is to show her Jesus. How exactly am I gonna do that? I have no idea. I've been challenged to get outside my box of structure and "it's the way I always do things." I have such a heart for people; its not always easy to deal with the heart break that these people present. My dependency on God is becoming an everpresent reality for me.
I've screwed up in so many ways this week. I'm so thankful for forgiveness from God and other people. Yep, definitely a rollercoaster ride. One constant: God is faithful. Always has and always will be. May you see Him working in you as I have seen Him over and over this week.