15 for 31. Surrender.

Part of this post was part of an old blog post back in 2006. Nobody read my blog then, so I thought I could post it again. Before I decided that I would surrender to be used by the Lord in Christian ministry, I wrestled. I wrestled with the Lord in my mind and actions. The main reason for this wrestling is because I didn't want to be like my parents. I wanted to be better off financially and not deal with some of the heartaches and heartbreaks that the ministry had caused them. More than anything, I did NOT want to be them. I was definitely the girl that said I will gladly serve the church, but I will never be like Mom and Dad and serve full-time in Christian ministry.  

-Excerpt from a previous blog...
Somewhere back in April 2003, I wrote down these words in a journal from Isaiah 42:16, "I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known, I will make the darkness light before them, And crooked places straight. These things I will do for them, And not forsake them." This was one of the verses that God used to point my heart in the direction of full-time Christian service. God used this to soften me for the next best thing He desired to show me. I was blindly reaching out for something and God planted this verse in my heart as I could not get it out my head. Around that time, God used some Godly people in my life, including my parents, to help me see clearly that His way was so much better than mine.

I had set out to control my future and pursue success in my career and financially. God had different plans, and had to do quite the work on this stubborn heart. I'm thankful He doesn't give up on me when I want to choose my own way. I'm thankful He didn't give me the success I was so desperately craving. I don't think I would have handled it well and would have given the credit to myself. Instead He has shown me that He will lead me through the right paths and make darkness light. Not one time have I felt forsaken by my wise Heavenly Father. He knew what was best for me and He knows what will be best. Still a lesson I'm learning.



All my plans and all my dreams
I’m giving it all to You
I lay it all down at Your feet
I’m Yours

So what song can I sing but this song?

I’m giving it all back to You
All back to You
I surrender
I’m giving it all back to You
All back to You
This is my surrender
Take it all
Take it all
Lord, take it all
Take it all
-My Surrender, Steven Curtis Chapman